Are men smarter than women?

In today’s society I have to say that this idea that men are smarter than woman is a bunch of hogwash.  I am not just saying this because I am in any way a  feminist.  It is true that I am a passionate supporter of women’s rights, but no more than the next woman who believes that we, females are as equal as our male counter part when it comes to intelligence.  I have to further stress that I am not a man hater and blame discrimination solely on them.  All of us have heard the familiar adage, “This is a man’s world!” Historically, I have to concede that it was a man’s world before we wised up and rised up against the stifling oppressive male dominated world.  In a sense some of us woman, are dumb or ignorant enough to be persuaded by our fathers, brothers, lovers, or husbands that they are smarter than us even though at the back of our mind we subconsciously cringe at the thought of male superiority.  Sadly, some of us are raise in a culture, a society, or a household that truly believes that men are superior to woman.  According to Newsweek,”British researcher Adrian Furnham, a professor of psychology at University College London, shows that men and women are fairly equal overall in terms of IQ. But women, it seems, underestimate their own candlepower (and that of women in general), while men overestimate theirs.” I wonder if women underestimate their intelligence because of their lack of self-confidence, self-esteem or self-worth? Or is it because we are more humble than men whereas men are more egotistic because some of them are brought up with the old adage, “It’s a man’s world!” Are some women afraid to admit or show that they are more intelligent than the men in their lives because they do not want to offend or upset them?  I know for some cultures, young girls are raise to be subjective and submissive to their male elders.  I wonder if Laotian women are raised with this belief that male are intellectually superior? Some of the most intelligent people I respect and admire are males.  When I think of the ultimate brilliant male mind I think of Leonardo Da Vinci. Personally, when it comes to the smartest male, he is without a doubt number one in my estimation because he was a master in so many areas. He was a brilliant artist, sculptor, scientist, mathematician, inventor,engineer, musician, architect, botanist, anatomist and writer. I really cannot think of a modern man who is comparable to Leonardo when it comes to intelligence in different disciplines or areas.  The only modern day male who really impresses me with his intelligence is Stephen Hawking, the author of ‘A Brief History of Time’ and ‘The Universe in a Nutshell’.  As for female brilliant minds I think of Hatsheput, Egyptian pharaoh and Queen Elizabeth I, queen of England.  Both of these women prove to the world that a woman is as smart as a man and that she can make sound decisions based on her intellect not her emotions. Now with that said people should give some credit to Hillary Clinton that she is as smart as a man and that she will be able to make intelligent decisions when it comes to the running of our country. In case some of you do not know,Marilyn vos Savant  is considered the smartest woman in the world because according to the Guinness Book of Record she has the highest recorded IQ.  She writes a column for Parade in the USA Today newspaper where people from all of the world send her riddles or questions that challenges her intellect.  Of course since she is considered the smartest woman in the world, there are many people both male and female who tries to stump her.  Are men smarter than woman?  The answer is no!  I know sometimes woman lack common sense but that does not mean she is stupid!:) http://www.newsweek.com/id/101079?g=1

Remembering Heath Ledger

By now many have heard of the death of Heath Ledger. I am devastated and saddened by this news. He was so young and gifted. I can’t believe he is gone. I had just watch him in the movie Candy this weekend where he played a young man addicted to drug. I cried watching the last scene where the camera pans in on his tear stained face, as he wretchedly watches the love of his life walk out of the door. He lets her go even though his heart is being torn to pieces because he finally realizes that in order for her to continue her recovery from drug addiction she must not be around him since he struggles with his own sobriety. He loved her enough to let her go even though the pain of losing her was unbearable.

The first movie I ever seen Heath in was A Knight’s Tale. Even though the movie is silly, corny, and goofy I can watch it countless times . That’s one thing I love about Heath is his portrayal of the characters are so realistic, you can’t help but be drawn in and suspend your disbelief for that moment or that hour. His natural talent and passion comes through. He will be missed by many!:(

Remembering Martin Luther King

One of my all time favorite speech ever made by anybody is the I have a dream speech by Martin Luther King.  The words are profound because it motivated an entire nation to stand up for their rights and the rights of those not fortunate enough to receive equality as Americans. His speech is influential not just to Americans but people from all over the world.  His words should remind us the danger of  becoming too comfortable and lackadaisal  when it comes to protecting our freedom and our rights. Also, the words should inspire all of us to fight for the rights of others no matter what their color, sexual orientation, age, or religion.  Nobody should have to tell or remind us to fight against injustice.  We should do it because we know it is the right thing to do.  The next time you see someone being discriminated against, do not take the easy way out by turning your back.  Fighting for justice is an honorable endeavor and I do not mean you have to physically get into a fist fight with someone to stand up for others. Use nonviolent means to achieve your goal.

Do you think we are equal in today’s society?  Have you ever felt discriminated against because of the color of your skin, the way you dress, act or because of what you believe in?

Oh, my God! I did not see that coming!

I absolutely love going to the theatre! Watching movies is one of my favorite past time. The only problem I have is sometimes I am stuck with watching it with a bad audience! Some people do not have any theatre antiquettes even though there is a reminder at the beginning of the film: no talking and please turn off cell phone. Blatant disregard for the rest of the movie gooers’ enjoyment drives me crazy and a little angry! Of course, I always let the person(s) know politely to be quiet, but if they ignore me and continue to act like they are at home watching the movie and could careless if I can hear the movie or not, I will bare my claws!:)

Here are some of my movie pet peeves:1). parents who do not control their noisy kids 2). people having conversations during the film 3). people who act like they are Roger Ebert, commenting about the movie as they are watching it! 4). people behind you who keep kicking your chair after you tell them please stop 5). people who have seen the film a dozen time and assume that the rest of us want to know what’s going to happen next! 6) people who makes a BIG production of reaching into their popcorn bag during a dramatic or scary moments!

Now that I have vented about my pet peeves, here is the list of movies I file under the heading: Oh, my God! I did not see that coming! Since I do not want to spoil the plot or the twist I will not mention the OMG part in case some of you would like to see the movie! Next time I will put my favorite movies in other categories.

1. Sixth Sense: Why are the hairs on my arms standing up?!:)

2. 12 Monkeys: Bruce Willis at his best

3. Planet of the Apes: Serves humans right!

4. The Crying Game: Love the song ! I would cry too if it happen to me!

5. Fight Club: Brad Pitt and Ed Norton lethal combination

6. Arlington Road: Yes do look at your neighbor!

7. M Butterfly: A butterfly in prison can change before your eyes!

8. Primal Fear: Ed Norton should have won an Oscar

9. Shawshanks Redemption: I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the end because of the brilliance of this story!

10. Unbreakable: In order for a hero to exist, he must have a villain to make him one

For those of you who would like to know the twist in some of these movies, here is the link:

http://www.virginmedia.com/movies/movieextras/top10s/movietwists.php

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616)

To me Shakespeare is the master of the manipulation of words to express the wide range of human emotions. His love poems are beautiful because the words expresses a vivid picture that lingers in our minds even after we read it. The words inspire some of us to give more in our relationships. Also, the powerful words even motivate some of us to reach a greater emotional height than we thought possible.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day and Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments are two of his most well known and beloved poems. For some romantics out there, these two poems expresses the ideal emotions or beliefs of what love is like. Whereas I find the two poems at the top of the list of my favorite love poems, I have to admit his ” My mistress’s eyes are nothing like the sun” is also romantic in a weird way. I love this poem because it speaks of unconditional love. A man and vice versa should love each other unconditionally without doubt or reservation. I like the fact that in this poem the narrator admits his lady love is not the most good looking or most desirable to some people, but to him she is everything.

For some people looks doesn’t matter. Well, at least it is not the most important thing in a relationship. Is it just the romantics who believe that love conquers all or that love is blind? Are men more obsessed with physical beauty than women? What is the first thing a man notices about a woman? As for a woman, what does she notice first? The smile of a man or his physicality? Can a relationship endure once that beauty wanes or will the two lovers give into temptation? Do we blame human nature for everything because it is a cop out? Can religion, culture, and our background affect our relationship. For example, some people stay together because they take their vows literally, “Until death do us part”. However, for others, it’s more like until you screw up and I can’t stand you anymore or the grass is greener on the other side. Are men more tempted than woman by physical beauty?

Patriotic Song

I teach AP United States History.  I have about 160 amazing students.  I really love them because they exemplify what most teenagers are like or should be like.  These kids in my college level class inspires me to want to go to work because they are driven, determined, and intelligent.  Contrary to popular belief, teenagers are not as bad as some people say.  Of course my students are not perfect and they have moments where they are lazy, goofy or down right unfocused at times.  However, the majority of the time they amaze me because they give me hope for the future.  The more I interact with them, the more I feel confident that they will be awesome leaders.  Periodically, I will post some of our projects here because I want to showcase these awesome kids who will make a difference in the world one day.

My students had to write a patriotic song as a class assignment last semester.  Several of them did a wonderful job.  I was really touch by their songs because it really showcases how our teenagers are not not as uncaring about America as some people portray them.  The male student singing was in my freshmen English class when he was a ninth grader.  He is a junior now in my history class.  He is a top notch wrestler and an awesome student.  Some people will think that he can’t sing, but I have to admire his effort as well as those of the other students. 

Some of the students did take famous songs and used it as a guide for their patriotic songs.  Some of you will be able identify what the songs are and the artist as well.

http://www.youtube.com/v/kPLPwB8WIlc

http://www.youtube.com/v/OB5jg6GGAW4

http://www.youtube.com/v/NyKOZA5iUf4

Shirataki Noodles

One of my favorite food is pho and I have discover a healthy substitute for the starchy noodle that is used in the soup. I found these Shirataki noodles at the Asian store in Phoenix, but I am pretty sure if you live in a town with a large Asian population you will be able to find it as well. If not you can also order it online even though it will be a little more expensive. Each package was about 1.25 at the Asian store. I found it among the food in the refrigerated area.

I am one of those people who always read food labels for the nutrition fact because I try to buy food that is high fiber, low fat, low sodium, low sugar, and low carb. The nutrition fact on the traditional Japanese noodles really impressed me because it is low carb, high fiber ( contains the dietary fiber glucomannan), and low calorie. However, I didn’t know if I was going to like it or how I was going to cook it, but decided to give it a try since it was healthy.

 Since I was craving Pho I went home and made it and decided to substitute the real rice noodles with the Shirataki. Note, there is a slightly pungent fishy smell when you open the package, but once you cook it the smell disappears. Just follow the instruction on the package on how to cook the noodles before you put it in the Pho soup. Personally, I love the chewey and crunchy texture of the noodles. I have added the link to the page that contains more information about this healthy noodles as well as to recipes . http://www.shiratakinoodles.net/

Judging people by…

Everyday, we come in contact with other people on the street, at the grocery store,  a school or at our jobs.  Some people we interact with everyday and others we will never meet again.  However, brief or long our contact with others, we all do one thing:  judge them! It is an almost unconscious thing we do which can happen in the few seconds we see these people.  With the barest flicker of our eyes we scan our “subjects” and file away  the bits and pieces of information we gather and in that abbreviated amount of time we come up with our conclusion of what we think that person is like.  For some of us, the first thing we notice is the person’s color or race and we mentally make an educated guess as to their ethnicity.  Then there are some of us who notice the shape of the person because they are fat or skinny. Even though we don’t want to admit it we  make snap judgements and correlate the fat person as unhealthy or someone who doesn’t take very good care of themselves. For all we know that person could be a top marathon runner, but our sterotypes of them might have obscure our reasoning. 

Some people will even try to equate the way a person dresses to a particular job such as a man in a suit must be a lawyer or a businessman. Also, some will even go as far as to assume that a person who is immaculately dressed is successful, driven, ambitious and charming. In contrast some of us will assume that a person who dresses poorly must not have a good job, doesn’t care about themselves or have any self-pride.  Once again these are all assumptions we make about others based on our own beliefs or experience. Sometimes our judgments and evaluations are valid.  However, there will be times when our stereotypes and critiques are way off base.  The most important thing is for us to recognize and acknowledge  that, “When you meet a man, you judge him by his clothes; when you leave, you judge him by his heart”(Russian Proverb).

I consider myself a good judge of character and sometimes I base my interactions with people based on the vibe I pick up from them. I usually know when people want to talk or want to be left alone.  I consider myself a people person meaning I love being around others.  I am quite gregarious, but I have not always been as extroverted when I was in middle school.  In fact, some of my class mates thought I was too shy and serious because I didn’t like to talk in class.  Of course, my friends and family knew better because I would talk their ears off when I got the chance!

Stereotyping and judging people occurs daily for all of us. In fact, some of you probably made some snap judgements about me based on the way I look, do my hair, dress or even smile. As a teenager I had many of my class mates stereotype me based on my race.  As a student, I was considered smart because I was Asian. Many of my classmates loved to  sit next to me, by me or behind me  so they could cheat off of me on the test. Some were subtle like Sammy in my Geography  class who would slightly stretch his head to the side in a veiled attempt to see the answers. Then there are people like my friend Jackie who did not try to hide her intention and would straight out ask me for the answers. 

I could go on and on about Asian stereotypes, but most of you probably know it already.It is only natural that we judge people because as humans we are curious creatures. Just remember don’t forget the old adage; ” Do not judge a book by its cover!”

Domestic violence among Southeast Asian women

*This was written by my sister, Khonnie who has worked in the social service field for over ten years.  This is her viewpoint.  I decided to post this because domestic violence is a problem in the Laotian community as well as the Asian community in general, but hardly ever openly discussed. Abuse such as domestic violence and rape are experienced by all cultures, some are more open than others about it.

I read an article a few months back in Audrey magazine that domestic violence is a huge problem for Southeast Asian women. The main reason is because when these women come over to America with their husbands they are at the mercy of their husbands’ actions because they are in a foreign country. They have nowhere to run and no one to talk to because they feel ashamed. In big metro cities like LA and NYC they have hot lines specifically for Asian women that are staffed with Asians who speak the language-Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese but not Laotian. I asked why this was and they told me it is a catch 22-there are not enough reports from the Laotian community to warrant a Laotian staff member. Domestic violence is something that frustrates me because of my strong independent personality. I have been lucky that I have never been a victim of physical abuse from the men that have been my boyfriends or husband. When I say that it frustrates me I mean the vicious cycle-the women usually stays with her abuser. I know the reasons why but I also know that some are able to leave. Although I have worked with victims of domestic violence-I have never specifically worked with a DV shelter or at a place where mainly the clients were victims of DV. I do not think that I can because I would not have the patience that is required to support the women (and men sometimes) through this vicious cycle and not get upset with them. I think it would break my spirit too fast and I would lose hope that I was helping them. So I admire the people who work day in and day out in a domestic violence shelter.

In a related issue-during grad school I volunteered at a rape crisis center in Albuquerque for about three months. The reason I did it was because for my stats class I wrote the hypothesis that if there was an Asian volunteer there would be more rape victims who are Asian who would seek the services from the rape crisis center. I researched stats on what the number of Asians who reported that they were rape and surprisingly it was a low number-less than one percent. Of course that is probably not true because I am sure it happens more than that but in Asian culture like other cultures this kind of shame would be too much for the family and community not just the victim. Sad fact but a real fact of life nevertheless. During my volunteer stint,I would be on call for one day out of the week and if there was a rape victim who showed up at the hospital a survivor advocate (they referred to rape victims as survivors) would meet them there. If they consented an exam would be done. As an advocate I was there for moral support and to give them resources that would help them. During that 24hr period at any time day or night I could get called to the hospital to assist the survivor of rape. It was heartbreaking to see the women and/or girls at times go through this. I could not imagine the nightmare they were going through and would go through for the rest of their lives. There were a few cases that it was just a teenage girl lying because she wanted to get her boyfriend in trouble or she did not want to get in trouble by her parents because she was at a party and had sex when she was not supposed to. Then there were cases that involved a victim of domestic violence but she would refused to file charges afterwards because she did not want to get him in trouble. She would go back to him because he said he was sorry or that he would change. One of the saddest cases involved a 3 year old little girl-she was molested by her grandmother’s boyfriend who was babysitting her. I felt so bad for the mother because she felt so guilty. It broke my heart to see this little girl who was helpless against her perpetrator-again when an adult decides to stay in an abusive relationship-she is adult enough to know the consequences. However when it happens to a child-that is the most cruel and vile thing an adult can do to a child. She was Native American so the reservation police were handling it. I never knew what happened to her or the other survivors after they left the hospital. I would call to check up on them after a certain amount of time and usually they would not return my calls. Which I understood could be for a lot of reasons. I had to quit volunteering after three months because between my school and full time job I could not do it any longer. I felt guilty though because I should of stayed on longer.

 During my volunteer stint, it was not surprising that I did not come across one Asian survivor of rape. One weird coincidence from my volunteering at the rape crisis center was that I did see one of them-a girl of about 12 after the one night where I held her hand while she was being examined. I was the admissions coordinator for the treatment foster care agency at the time and a few weeks later I get a packet from the psychiatric hospital for a possible placement. I go to meet the girl and the family and it was her. What was ironic was they did not recognize me and I did not let on that I knew them. However I told my bosses that this child would not be appropriate for our families who took in kids because of the history of the family. Not because of the girl being raped but by their history. This family had a history of suing people who took care of their daughters. And when the poor girl was at the hospital because she was raped by “a black man” on the way home from school-the story was fishy. First of all the nurse did not find any evidence of rape. Her parents were acting suspicious. Her mom was milking the system by playing up on her daughter’s problems so that she would be placed in residential treatment. She had another daughter who was already at a residential placement. And the dad was acting like he was coaching his daughter to say things such as she was raped by a “black guy” and the poor girl did not seem like she wanted to go along with it. I could not tell the hospital after I met with the girl and her family as to why we could not admit her into our treatment foster care agency. I felt sorry for her because clearly her family were using her and her sister to take advantage of the system. It was a miracle that the director took my word for it that this family would not be appropriate because all she cared about was the numbers we had in our program.

I hope domestic violence shelters continue getting the monetary support and volunteers that they need. One of these days I need to become a volunteer at a rape crisis center again. I hope more Asian women seek the help that they need if they are a victim of domestic violence and/or rape. However this is highly unlikely because Asians overall do not seek these types of services (rape crisis centers, mental health services).

Is physical, sexual, and mental abuse overlooked in our Laotian community? Is language or culture partly to blame?

Illegal Immigrants

Illegal immigration is another hot topic this year in the election.  Everybody has their opinion or points of view on this issue. Some people are for the legalization of illegal immigrants who are already here and some argue against it saying that will only encourage more attempts of border crossing.  Advocates of the legalization of illegal immigrants cite the importance of the undocumented immigrants to our economy.  They further argue that illegal immigrants just want a better life, a better future for their children.  All of us can not fault these reasoning because we can relate to these hopes and dreams.  Personally, I believe in giving people a chance, but I believe in them doing it the right way.  However good the reason for people coming across the border is, we can not let one fact escape, they are breaking the law.  There really is no justification for breaking the law and we can not pick and chose which law we are to reinforce, ignore, or bend it to our liking.  Once we become lackadaisical in our attitude towards these laws then we in a sense are saying we do not have to follow it if we do not like it.  There are many rules and regulations we have to abide by living in America.  While we may not like  or agree with it, as responsible citizens we need to uphold it. As an immigrant myself, I am compassionate and sympathetic towards those who risk their lives to come to the United States, but I have to concede that they need to do it the legal way.  This in fact will be more beneficial to them in the long run as I hope you will see in the following story.

Throughout my teaching career, I have met some remarkable students. These kids I will never forget because they have made a great impression on me not just because they excel in academics, but because they are great human beings.  I met such a student while teaching in Killeen, Texas.  It was 2002 and it was the year I decided to teach summer school.  I had eighteen juniors and seniors in my English IV class.  They were all from the different high schools and some of them were there because they either wanted to get ahead or they needed to pass the class to graduate.  The remarkable student was one of those who failed the class during the regular year and had to pass it in the summer . This student was an illegal immigrant and I discover this because of a writing assignment I had them do.  They had to write an autobiography about their lives focusing on one event that dramatically changed their lives for the better or worse. I will just call this student Mary to protect her privacy.  In her paper, Mary describe how her father had left her, her mom, little sister, and brother to cross over to the United States illegally.  Their plan was for the father to cross over so he can make enough money to hire a coyote to bring Mary and the rest of the family over. A year past and no word from the father.  Fearing the worst, Mary’s older brother crossed over with other people.  He was successful and fortunate enough to find a job working under the table with a construction company who paid him cash.  Eventually he saved enough money and hire a coyote to bring Mary, her mom and sister across.  It is fortunate that they did not wait for their father to go back for them because years later they discover he was very much alive but had started his life over in Houston.After I read the essay, I asked Mary if the story was true because they were supposed to write about something that actually happened to them.  At first, she tried to deny it because she was petrified that I would turn her in to immigration.  Once I reassured her that she everything was going to be all right, she told me how frustrating and horrible it was to live in fear everyday.  Even the simple act of driving down the street is nerve wrecking because she is afraid that she will make a mistake and get pull over by a cop. She talked about how she wanted to go to college, but unable to do so because she is not legal and can not register for college because she doe not have a social security number. I remember her words well, ” I get so mad because a lot of my friends who are U.S. citizens don’t even want to go to college after graduation, but I who desperately want to, can’t!” Instead, she will continue working as a waitress at a Mexican restaurant until she can figure out what she wants to do. At one point she even contemplated about getting married to an American soldier thinking that will automatically make her a U.S. citizen.  I explained to her that is a misconception and that she will not become a citizen because she had married one. 

When I had Mary in my class I did not realize that in 2001, a bill was passed to provide an in state tuition for illegal immigrants. However, even with that knowledge it still would have been difficult for Mary, because she would not have been eligible to apply for financial aid because she is undocumented. That would mean, she would have to pay out of pocket to go to college.  Also, Mary’s fear of deportation crippled her desire to further her educational goals.

Mary, like many illegal immigrants are here because they want a better life, but sometimes end up becoming more disheartened or frustrated because their illegal status prevents them from achieving those goals. I am sympathetic towards her plight, but can not ignore the fact that if she had come to the United States legally, she would not have to constantly live in fear of getting caught or frustrated with not being able to go to college.

Illegal immigration is a complex issue and we must look at it from different points of view in order to understand it and try to fix it.  The Devil’s Highway, a book about illegal immigration gives that comprehensive look because it gives the point of view of the illegals, coyote, border patrol, and immigration.

Links to information for further consideration:http://www.ncsl.org/programs/educ/undocimmigrant.htm