Asian parents and dating

Do Asians date or is that a western idea? I know this sounds like a dumb question, but it really has me wondering.  Obviously I can’t speak for other Asians or pretend to know what everybody’s view is on that so I will just have to go off of my own.

I am thirty seven years old and I tell you my age to give you a perspective on my point of view. I grew up in the eighties, listening to Madonna’s song Like a Virgin and Papa Don’t Preach. Obviously, she didn’t listen to her own advice because if you know what Papa Don’t Preach, it’s about teen pregnancy.  I bring these two songs up because growing up in an traditional Laotian household you had to remember two things:  1) don’t have sex before marriage 2) don’t get pregnant!  If you were not married then you shouldn’t EVEN be thinking of either or put yourself in that situation. 

My parents forbade us not to date.  They just wanted us to focus on school and that was it! I would look at my American friends and envy their freedom to date while I wasn’t supposed to even talk to boys.  It was so unfair.  Some of you might wonder if I listened to my parents and the answer is yes and no.  For example, I had my first “boyfriend” when I was fourteen and his name was Lado.  I met him in Louisiana when I was visiting my cousin and working for the summer.  I wouldn’t call him really my “boyfriend” since we didn’t hold hands, hug or act like girlfriend/boyfriend.  He was more like a really good friend, one who I played baseball with, board games, and he always farted in front of me.  I know really romantic. I think I just said yes when he asked me out because I was too nice to say no.

To get back to the question, is dating a part of Asian people’s culture? For me traditionally, no we were not supposed to date much less have a boyfriend.  Nowadays, I know many Laotians are more lax in their views in regards to dating.  I have seen parents let their daughters date, go places by themselves and yes even allowed their kids’ boyfriend or girlfriend even come live with them. Time has definitely change and so have values and beliefs.  Are Asians picking up American ideals when it comes to dating and relationship?  Is that a good or bad thing?

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41 thoughts on “Asian parents and dating

  1. Pingback: black single » Asian parents and dating

  2. Dallas

    Dating has to be different in different culture. What you did when you were 14 years old might not be label as dating to American culture but maybe that the way it is with Laotian.

  3. amphone

    Hi Karmadiva, I can identify with some of the things you are saying. I grew up in the Laotian community. Back then we don’t date as in dating the western style. We still don’t date. Meaning going out with different people when we want to. To our people, if we are out with someone alone, that’s dating. That’s it. Game over. We might as well get engage. Depend on the individual, I happen to know a few Asian women who actively dating or seeing a different guys. To them, that’s dating; going out with a guys who asked them out. It’s a date nothing more.

    I think we have to use our own judgment when it comes to dating, Asian or American style. Dating a few times is healthy prior going into a relationship I think.

  4. Laotian Teacher

    Hello Dallas! You are right what I did would be considered dating in the Asian community. I felt guilty about it because I wasn’t even supposed to talk to guys!

    Hello fellow runner! Good way to explain it about Laotians technically don’t date the western style. At least our generations. My little sister’s generation is different.

    What you said about we are not supposed to go out alone with someone because then it’s over– reminds me of what happened to my friend. She was seen with the guy she liked and the next thing she knew she was married at 16.

    I think it’s good to go on dates so you can get to know the person. However, some young people do a lot more crazy things than just hang out or go out to eat.

  5. amphone

    Crazy is right word. There were parenting that’s why. It almost like, they were encouraged. There sure was a lot of teenage pregnancy in my community. Grandparenting starts pretty early for our people. Would you say?

  6. Laotian Teacher

    Amphone, I am saddened to say that some Laotian parents have become to liberal in their child rearing that it freaks me out. When I was a teen, nobody I knew my age got pregnant and where I live it used to be a big Laotian community. I just barely hear from my friends that some of the girls we knew in high school had an abortion when they were a teen. I must have been living under a rock because I didn’t hear anything.

  7. amphone

    Sad but true. That was back in the 80s’-90s’-and early 00′. But’s okay now. It all had passed. The teens now are young adults. The younger crowd that follows seemed to be doing good…skip one generation I suppose. We also had to thank the school system too for raising the awareness such as D.A.R.E and teenage pregnancy. And thanks to teachers who see the program through.

  8. dying traditional values

    Hello!

    I am 20 years old and my parents are very traditionally also. Growing up they always lectured me about boys and pregnancy and although they don’t forbid me to date (now) they’ve hinted enough times in the past that I should just focus on school.

    It’s hard to really say if Asians picking up the American ideals on dating is a good or bad thing, it all really depends on a persons family upbringings and a persons standards and values in life I think. For the younger kids, I think that it’s a bad thing obviously, because they’re not mature enough and are still learning their rights and wrongs. My younger brother is 16 and had a girlfriend, I had mixed feelings. Although I was happy that he told me about it, I understood what our parents taught me. I wanted him to just focus on school and his classes and not worry about girls right now. Because I can’t forbid it, I do tell him that he needs to just do school for now and learn responsibilities for the ‘real world’, he’ll have plenty of time to date in the future. However I feel that if parents do allow their children to date, they should have an open relationship and know the boy/girl and be somewhat involved rather than just letting their kid date and run loose at night.

    For the older Lao population, I think that it is a good thing, considering how the divorce rates are significantly increasing year after year. It is a good thing to date and to get to know another person, see if your personalities are compatible etc… But then of course there’s a line between just dinner/movie and dinner and going back to someones place. Some people do date A LOT and do much more than go on a “date”. And I don’t look down upon them or anything, but as for myself, I was taught not to do that, and have other things going on in life such as school, work and applying to graduate school.

    I think it just boils down to the family, to be involved, to steer their children into the right direction, to give them a good set of morals and values to follow by in life, and hope that they will follow it as they get older. But I know it is hard, especially with the media and just everyday life with teenage pregnancies and abortions. It’s hard to tell kids THIS IS RIGHT and THIS IS WRONG, when there are thousands of others doing what is supposedly not right.

  9. Laotian Teacher

    Hello, Thip! Thank you for sharing your story. It’s nice to hear from other people who grew up with traditional Laotian values.

    I can relate to what you are saying about your little brother because I tried to do the same with my little sister when she was a teen. I was trying to help her find the balance between doing what she wanted with what our parents expected. I wanted her to have fun, but still follow the rules, values and morals that makes us who we are. Just like what you try to do with your brother, reminding him to focus on school. School was a big thing in my family. I remember when I went off to college, my mom would remind me that, education first before anything else. She said to remember that she sent me off to college to get an education not a husband.

    You are right that it boils down to the family and raising them with the proper morals and values. Unfortunately, I am seeing more and more Laotians who don’t do that anymore. In fact, the older generations are acting like teenagers, gossiping, having affairs, etc…

    Our traditions are dying out because we have chosen to not remember it, value it, and practice it. What makes us unique is vanishing because we have become too “Americanized”.

    You should be proud of yourself that you still know and uphold our traditions and values. I’m all for supporting the “pursuit of life, liberty, and freedom” but I think some people are taking that too far. In their “pursuit” of these things they have tossed aside the most important thing: their culture. Obviously, not all Asians are like this, just some.

  10. laogirl

    Mrs. Aragon, the way you said about our tradition is still in my blood through our culture. But like you said your cousin got married to the person she dont want to be? Did you marry the person you wanted to be? Coz yes right now my parents are having this family that is so close to us and they have a son that I think they want to get closer to me morethan friends. I can feel the way they set us up tot alk or something.. Is what I think wrong? coz I dont have feelings for him, I respected him as my brother but I know he likes me. Should I follow what my parents said? As you said in the story ur parents didnt gave u up and let you proceed college? Did you got married before having sex, did you follow the laotian culture? Pls help me, im on my 20’s and im confused!

  11. Laotian Teacher

    Laogirl, I am not an expert or a psychologist so I can’t really give you advice. However, I have to say that you should do what makes you happy. Believe it or not you can still be traditional in many ways without sacrificing your happiness. You just have to decide what is important to you. For example,when I was a teenager, my reputation in the community was important to me so I try not to do anything to jeopardize that because other Laos girl looked up to me. In other words, I did not participate in that idea of “it’s my body and I can do whatever I want with it” but instead my motto was, ” Respect my body because it’s the only one I have” What that means is to keep it healthy in EVERY Way possible. I think sex is a very personal thing, a way to express how you feel about the other person, however, if you share that body with everyone you think you love or like, then you are abusing that body(my opinion, but you don’t have to agree with it). Like that popular, saying, “My body is my temple!” Just like a real temple, you wouldn’t want to disrespect it and disecrate it by all these “free love” ideas. Of course, once again, you have to do what feels right to you. I can’t really tell you how to treat your body, I can only share my ideas. Follow your heart, your values, and your tradition if it makes you happy.

    As for your parents setting you up, Laogirl, many Laotian parents do that. Sometimes, they are just joking, at other times, they are not. When I was a teenager, many of my mom’s friend would call me their daughter-in-law and I would smile and go along with it,but then I would tease them back and tell them I was going to college for a long time and that I doubted if their son would wait for me. Focus on school and tell your parents, you don’t want to get married anytime soon because you want to work on your career or your life. I don’t know if this helps. The only thing I can say, is follow your gut instinct and do what makes you happy without losing your morals and values.

    1. mark appert

      Great conversation , ideas, virtue. Please talk with me about our ideas about ‘romance’… ‘lovemaking’ in the sense of kindness and favor. This reserve and patience has with it advantages that seem to lend to desire experienced (in sociologist terms?) I have a question for Laotian women. How much pursuit do Laotian Women feel comfortable with from a friend who is a Man, for the sake of showing herself to be found ‘courting’. And… should I wait for Her initiative for social activities? O.K. this friendship is delightful even Divine, uplifting, pleasing… please offer insights and suggestions as to how I can sweep her off her feet in the most romantic way while promoting the best of her natural values?

  12. laogirl

    Teacher, im being pressured of how everything worked for me. He is a nice guy but im afraid that marriage might ruined what we both shared and have as friends. We talk sometimes about us being together forever but what if I wont be happy with him and im only drugged because of how my parents wants us and that hes too nice to me? Why do we have to marry the same nationality? is this to keep our culture or its just our parents are trying to keep us from too being modern.

  13. Laotian Teacher

    Laogirl, you are only 20. I know when I was that age, I was still trying to figure who I was as an individual without the influence of my parents, my friends, and community. When I was living at home I did what all of them wanted for me to be. The way I dressed, act, and talked was influenced by them. My point is you are too young to be getting married. You need to experience life without the interference of anyone. I did this when I went off to college… be my own person. Enjoy meeting people, have fun hanging out with friends, going to places et.

    I really like your culture about why do we have to marry the same nationalily and whether this is an attempt on our parents part to do that or are they trying to keep us from being modern, maybe a better question is if they are trying to keep us from being “Americanized”. Since it is such a good question, I will think more on that and write about it. In the mean while, don’t stress okay.

  14. Anida

    Teacher,
    I’m 20 years old and the first daughter of lao parents that immigrated to the US nearly 30 years ago. Through out middle school and high school I’ve often faced the temptation of dating, but resisted knowing that it wasn’t worth the drama with my parents anyway. I’d been a good girl then. Followed the rules, stayed out of trouble, and did well in school. All this wasn’t always an easy task. The temptation to rebel was strong and frequent. I didn’t always feel my parents were being fair and I thought I’d earned the right and privilege had I gone ahead and decided to date anyway. My highest hopes was that putting up with these rules meant that when I was 18 and college indulged, that they’d respect me as an adult able to make my own decisions without the controlling grasps they’d had on me before. I’m frustrated now because I’d finally met the boy I’m sure I could spend the rest of my life with and they’re so against it. I was never sneaky about it as I told them as soon as I started dating him that we were seeing each other. I’d always kept them informed as well updating them on where we’d be, what we’d be doing, and how long we’d be spending time with each other. Recently, they seemed most concerned because they found I was having sex with him too. She stressed to me that if we brought another life into this world, that my parents would be out of the picture and they’d want nothing to do with me. My dad keeps trying to justify his stand against my relationship with my bf with tradition…that it’s against our tradition. However, I feel that he’s being too stubborn as I’m not growing up in the same world and society he had when he grew up. I want there to be some sort of compromise at the very least.

    My younger sister on the other hand gets away with everything. She goes ahead and does whatever she wants with or without their approval. She’s had a long history of deviant behavior since middle school and as I write this, she’s 3 hours away spending the week with her bf that’s 5 years older than she is. She has no educational goals or career aspirations as I do and plans to marry rich. Despite all this, my parents still give her the money and means to continue this lifestyle.

    Help me out. How do I get my parents to understand that they need to let me grow up? That we’re not living in the same world they did growing up and that there needs to be compromise?

    1. Gina

      If you think that you’re grown up, then you should be able to pay your own way, such as providing for yourself, can you do that? If not, then they have every right to worry about you, you’re obviously not an adult, but still a child that they need to provide for. I respect your parents for putting their foot down, I’d have done the same thing. What is an adult to you, being able to have sex? I hope you’re protected, there are all kind of diseases out there.

      1. Anida

        I never said that being allowed to have sex was what would make me an adult. I mentioned that having the freedom to think for myself in making my own decisions was an ‘adult privilege’ I’d hoped I’d earn as a 20 year old. Even just a little bit.

        And thanks for your concern. I do use protection and am very up to date with sex education. We were both tested and came out clean.

      2. Kleege

        An 80 yr old can’t support or pay his own way, but I’m pretty sure he’s a grown up. I think you have “independent” “and “grown up” mixed up. What the young lady was saying is that she knows that she lives with her parents and respects them, but that she needs more leniency and support from them. Its good that her parents can be parents, but they must let a flower grow when it has light. Also the comment that has to do with protection was un-needed and in bad taste.

      3. Gina

        You’ve heard the expression, “Once an adult, twice a child,” so comparing her situation to an 80 year old is not a good idea. True that I don’t understand a lot of things but I‘m not the one that needed help here, she can be a grown up, also have her independent by moving out, why not take that step, it’s her life, her choice, what is stopping her? Then she could have all the independent that she wants, maybe it‘s time to find out what being grown up is all about.

      4. kleege

        Once again you are confused, but this time by my comment. I wasn’t saying her situation was like said 80 year old, I was simply giving you an example of what “grown up” meant. Leniency, meaning tolerance, is what she wants. By going off what you think a “grown up” is, it is impossible for her to do so and move out, without this leniency. Also if you could look up the differences between what independence and “grown up” mean, i think things can be clearer for you.

      5. kleege

        Do you understand what she wants? You say you get the point, yet you keep implying that she wants to live without her parents rules.

      6. Anida

        i know i’m not an adult, but you can live with your parents and still be considered an adult. many asian families practice this lifestyle. like laotian teacher mentioned before, lao families think as a unit…they tend to sacrifice oneself for the good of the whole. I’m responsible in contributing to my family in my own ways: working to help pay for household bills, cooking, cleaning…etc. it’s a win-win situation for everyone. my parents actually encourage i stay with their household even though ive always had the option to live on my own. its an American mindset to want to leave the house hold as soon as possible in order to gain “independence”, or as you have put it, “adulthood”.

        however, that’s besides MY point. if u go back and read what i’d actually written, i was not implying i was an adult at all but asked that my parents allowed me to “grow up”. there’s a difference.

      1. Laotian Teacher

        Gina, Anida, Kleege,thank you for your comments. Obviously, this is a pretty sensitive subject. Okay, once again this is just based on my own point of view.

        I grew up in a very traditonal Laotian home. Here are several things about a Lao home.
        1. You are still considered an adult in a Lao home if you are living there and helping pay the bills. In contrast, Americans see anyone who is 18 or older immature if they are living at home with their parent. While some American parents push, encourage or motivate their kids to leave home at 18, most Lao parent encourage their kids to stay home and help out the family financially. To a Lao parent, there is no set age where a child has to leave the home.
        2. In regards to sex and being an adult. Having sex does not signify that you are an adult. Understanding the responsibility that comes with having sex (protection, emotional changes etc) and being able to deal with the consequences shows maturity. Gina, since Anida is 20 ( by American standard) she is an adult and should be allowed to make her own choices in everything. However, since she is living at home and in a Lao home, there is a different expectation. Her parents still see her as a child under their control. Age does not matter when it comes to a Lao parent telling you what to do. Look at me, I’m 38 and my parents still tries to tell me what to do and I’m not living at home.

        The bottom line is: living in a traditional Lao home at any age is difficult because you are trying to live in two worlds.

      2. Anida

        lao teacher–well said!! in asking for your advice in the first place, i was hoping id be able to get ur open-minded and compassionate insight especially since you’re very knowledgeable with lao tradition…as well as understanding the difficulties of growing in up in an american society (i.e. your younger sister).

  15. Laotian Teacher

    Anida, your parents are probably tougher on you because you are older. Also they expect more from you because they probably more in your ability to be successful than your sister. Maybe your sister is getting with more because they know that they would be wasting their brealth on her.

    Don’t focus on what your sister is doing or not doing. Don’t compare how your parents treat you to your sister because it doesn’t matter. Focus on what is going on with you.

    Your dad is in a sense correct when he says that your relationship with your bf is against Lao tradition. I was brought up in a traditional Lao household where we were not allowed to date. Traditionally, most Lao people, the older generations, do not date, they just get married. So, when your dad says that your relationship is against tradition especially the sexually part ( older Lao generation believes in no sex before marriage) he is right. Traditionally, you just don’t see Lao people having premarital sex and living with each other. Of course once again, I’m referencing the older Lao generation. The younger generation, the ones who are growing up in America believes differently.

    I understand your frustration.I’m sure you have told your parents that if you were not serious with this guy you would not be having sex with him. However, that does not matter to them because more than likely what your parents are thinking about is the gossip that will come from this. Most Lao parents care more about what other people will say about their kids than what makes their kids happy. The only thing I can think of for you to tell your parents is to tell them that you will still focus on school and that you are not trying to hurt them and that you just want to live your life how you want. This will not guarantee that they will believe you. Just show them through your actions that you still love and respect them. Continue going to school. Prove to them that nothing or no one will change that.

  16. Anida

    Thanks Teacher,

    Your advice made a lot of sense! I think my parents kind of gave up on my sister and probably feels by now that they’d be wasting their breath trying to change her mind. You’re right though. I can’t compare myself to her and it’s most important I focus on myself.

    The Lao community is very tight knit and everybody seems to be up on the latest gossip. I know when things started getting bad with my sister’s relation to my parents, my mom was especially concerned for people talking. She emphasized how one person’s action could effect the family image.

    My dad and I have been trying to keep the line for communication open between us. He was most concerned when I told him I’d be leaving to NYC to spend a week with my bf and his family. We finally came to talk it out and he told me that he understood me enough to know that I’m growing up and that I was an adult..he trusted me to make my own decisions, but to remember how he felt about them. Mainly, he just didn’t want me to spend more time than I had to out there. We came to a compromise. I decided to wait another 2 weeks before seeing my bf and I’m only planning on staying for 4 days vs the 7. I’m happy that my dad’s allowing me to “grow up” in moderation we can both agree on.

    Thanks for your help =]

  17. Gina

    Anida, this is my general perception, so don’t get offended.

    In a Lao society in the US, the oldest daughter is supposed to set a good example for the younger ones, setting a good example means having good grades in school, finish college, then get married. Premarital sex brings lots of shame to a Lao family, especially parents, most gossipers would call you a slut, I’m sure your mom has stressed this to you and they feel that they‘ve failed as a Lao parents because the Lao culture is rich with tradition, and one of them is no sex before marriage, they feel that they’ve failed as a Lao parents right there.

    I’ve an American co worker that has a 21 year old daughter, very pretty by the way, her mom asked if she has had sex and she said that her education comes first, other craps can wait, and now since her dad lost his job, she has to pay her way, and as a Lao person hearing this, I truly admire her, she has all the freedom, but yet she sets her priority that education is more important, and I’m not saying that you don’t think that education is important to you, but I think your parents feel that your education might suffer due to your relation with your boyfriend, more time being invested in him.

    As for me, I tried not to upset my parents, they don’t live with you forever, and sadly one had passed. Growing up, education was my first priority, I finished college, and didn’t get married till I was 26 after I knew I could support myself and move out, which meant no premarital sex either, I had my parents blessing and I‘m not the oldest, my oldest sister has set a very good example for us. I often think, my parents raised me, they gave me life, and I knew them all my life and here I just met this person. If anything were to happen to the relationship, that person becomes someone else, whether someone elses’ boyfriend or husband, and my parents are still my parents. It sounds like your parents are very strict, but they’re good parents from what I hear, and only want the best for you. But of course, you grew up in American, you’ve your own agenda and know what is best for you. But think about it, I think your parents have their best interest in you, more so than anyone.

  18. Anida

    Gina–if i were offended, it was only because u were quick to impose your overbearing opinion on a topic that was irrelevant to the issue I’d addressed. It came off as a personal attack on my behalf versus constructive advice. I should be able to write so openly, exposing a sensitive matter, without fear of being judged or scrutinized.

    Also, I understand more than you realize how gossip can bare great stress to the reputation of my parents and family. However, the community can only know as much as the family allows them to know. My parents have always stressed “keeping dirty laundry in a separate pile.” Aka, family matters stays within family. It is not to be discussed with outsiders. Going back to “Lao families think as a unit…they tend to sacrifice oneself for the good of the whole”; you do not know me or my life, so u cannot pretend to understand my experiences or internalized opinions. What I will say is this: Ive often suppressed verbal and physical abuse relying on this idea that no matter how difficult the circumstance, I keep to myself. This is the reason the reported cases for domestic violence in Asian households remain so low. It’s a general Asian trait to sacrifice oneself for the good of the whole family. Though Americans may view this as abuse, knowing better of my parents’ culture–I understand this is simply discipline and do not view my parents as any less. I was brought up in two different worlds and as an Asian American young lady, I’ve been faced with the challenge of learning to compromise between the two extremes. Can you put yourself in MY shoes? Do not categorize me as either American or Lao, but learn to see both sides…then compromise an understanding between the two.

    Read between the lines. Not once did I imply my parents were bad parents. Only that they were strict. Through examples, I’ve indicated that their opinion is very important to me, otherwise I would not have cared to post my concern in the first place. There would be no conflict if that were the case. I’m the oldest of my siblings and I respect your idea of a role model example, but I also believe that I can still set a good example in ways other than the one you have rigidly set in stone as the way you’ve preferred. School is obviously a priority for me and has always been…but again, you don’t know me well enough to assume my parents’ concern. They have the ultimate faith in me to succeed and do well in school and ultimately life and I’ve given them reason to believe this.

    I already know that I’ve only one life, one set of parents, and one shot to make it all work…but I’ve also only one shot at happiness. It may be a Lao tradition, as my parents’ daughter and child, to ultimately respect and hold them high as an authoritative figure in my life. I love them for that too. However, it’s American of me to want to develop an openness in communication, person-to-person bond, love, and a trust between myself and my parents as well. It’s a goal that them and I are all on board with.

    1. Gina

      Anida, you’re right that I don’t know you nor you me, but kind of surprised that you posted your problem/concern here, when you said so yourself that your “parents have always stressed “keeping dirty laundry in a separate pile.” Aka, family matters stays within family. It is not to be discussed with outsiders.” This is a private matter, maybe it’s better to discuss this privately with Laotian Teacher, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind doing that for you. It is true that this is Laotian Teacher’s private blog but public view by many, and Laotian Teacher has always welcome comments, whether good or bad, we all have different background and would think differently on any given matter. I think most people would have an opinion about the situation whether they comment or not, that you can’t stop.

  19. som

    som / october 14,2009

    We are the Laotian people. We first of all should know the previously root of the culture. If someone forget that the persons are not real Lao, or cannot talk the mother tongue. I hope you can write and read that own language. Sorry I have a limitable time
    See you again, Gina

  20. Laotian Teacher

    Gina and Anida, I think it is good for us to have this type of discussion because it is a reminder of what we know about our culture and traditions. Both of you have made some really good points. To increase cultural awareness it is necessary to talk about issues that affects our community. Please feel free to do so.

  21. Anida

    lao teacher, i agree. i see also that generation plays another large aspect in individual distinction. on top of race, culture, and economic status…the generation we belong to further separates (or joins) us as people w/common or different beliefs.

  22. Gina

    Thanks Laotian Teacher for not criticizing my conservative view, I don’t know if there is such a thing as living the best of both worlds when you only embrace what you want, and reject the core that underlines the morality of the other culture.

    I think no matter what generation you came from, there are battles to fight, so this is nothing new.

  23. Lao professor

    Gina, although Lao Teacher hasn’t out right criticized you, she hasn’t fully agreed with any of you points. Also, it defiantly doesn’t look like Anida is “rejecting” the core of her culture, she is loving and respecting her parents as she should. It is unfair to say she is doing anything bad just because it isn’t what you think is right. You can’t decide what morality is, that is an opinionated item of life. Anida is doing nothing wrong and is doing what she feels is right, no one is getting hurt.

  24. Gina

    Lao professor, I don’t think my opinion needs validation by anyone, and if no one is hurt (in terms of feeling and not physical) by this, then why bother posting it to begin with, sounds to me like we are wasting our time here. It’s obvious that we all have a different point of view on this, and mine happens to be coincided with her parents’ view on premarital sex, it’s obvious to me now that most don’t agree and it is more socially acceptable by many Laotians, but I’m still the few that’s very tradition when it comes to this, and entitle to my opinion, and again don’t need validation by anyone.

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