Interracial Relationship

What race do Asian woman date if they go outside their race?  From my observation, there seems to be a great deal of Asian woman dating white males more than any other race.

I grew up in a large Laotian community.  As a teenager, I never witness any Lao people in my community who dated another race except my cousin and my brother.  Both of them dated white people. I did not witness anybody dating black  or hispanic people.  Upon reflection I realize that in the Lao community I grew up in, there was an unspoken understanding or expectation  that all Lao people date only Lao people.  I don’t remember anybody challenging the status quo while I was a teenage except my brother and cousin. Come to think of it, I think the younger generations did not date outside the Lao community because there were plenty of people to choose from so  it was expected that you pick from your own race.  However, if you grew up in a community where there are a shortage of Lao people, then is there really any choice but to date outside your race? 

Before entering in any serious interracial relationship it is important to consider some important points:

Does your potential partner respect your culture? 

Do they understand what is expected of them when it comes to behavior in that community?

Are they willing to learn, be a part of a totally new culture?

Interracial relationship can be difficult if both partners do not communicate what their expectations are or they refuse to compromise.  For example,  I have a friend who was stressed out because her boyfriend had a difficult time understanding why she is always helping her family out especially financially. When she would do that, he would ask her why does she have to give money to her family since they are adults. When she explained that she was brought that when a family member needs help, you do it. He said she is an adult now so she can say no.  Since he was brought up in an environment where everybody had to fend for themselves, it was hard for him to understand her point of view.

Interracial relationship can work if both parties are honest about their expectations before it gets too serious like marriage.  It would be a mistake to believe that your partner will change because more than likely they will not.  Actually it is their prerogative to believe what they want and act the way they want, but will you be able to live with that?  It comes down to you to decide how much you are willing to compromise or sacrifice in order for your relationship to work.

Please take this survey about interracial dating.


15 thoughts on “Interracial Relationship

  1. laogirl

    Teacher, I believe it is good to marry your own culture. I have seen few of my aunts who got married with white people, hespanic or other asian but their marriage didnt seem to last because of different beliefs and wants. My first cousin who got married to a lao lived very happy couple, they go to the place they both like, they understand each others culture, wants and their respective movies as their language. I have a friend who got mrried 5 years years ago who is a also a lao, she was forced to get married to another lao family. She didnt regret being married to him because she had seen they have a lot in common as having the same culture. I also notice that most asian woman who had married differenct culture dont last morethan 15 years or being married aside from having aunts but also my mother who is a lao and my father a white american.

  2. amphone

    I have a lot of friends who are Lao but we called some of them twinky because they are white on the inside. They see white, act white, and date white people. They grew up in the society where there are not many Laotian. I love white people though. They are the coolest. I saw a white lady once, this is when I was a little refugee. She was so beautiful. I thought I saw an angel. At least that’s what image of an angel looks life for me then. You know blue eyes and blond hair and everything. I think if we get pass the fresh thing, we all can find connection with all people somehow someway. Cultural barrier or their tradition sometime may be hard to accept. It seems at time cause discomfort. For an example, my white friends can not handle the raw beef salad or blood jellow beef salad. Everything else is ok. Our food is good, our women are fine.

  3. Christopher

    Response to Laogirl:

    On the contrary to what you said; my beautiful Lao sister is married to a white male and their marriage is very strong. Granted, they have not been married for 15 years but my brother-in-law embraces every aspect of the Laotian Culture. He respects the culture, speaks the language (barely), and eats the rare beef salad and the blood jello. I love him. My family adores him.

    She was engaged to a Laotian man before she was married, they had a child together (my nephew) and their relationship did not last. It ended, roughly. (Not all marriages within the same culture do not last)

    My parents are both Laotian and ended their marriage when I was 4 months.

    “I also notice that most asian woman who had married differenct culture dont last morethan 15 years”

    That statement is a conceived notion based on your observation of your Aunts; this does not include ALL interracial relationships.
    It is an assumption of a few interracial relationships in your family.

    Laogirl, if your mother is Lao and your father an American, who happens to be white.

    What are you?

  4. Christopher

    Response to Amphone:

    You call your Laotian friends, “Twinkies”, because “They see white, act white, and date white people.”

    Tell me, exactly, how does one act “white?” That could sound a little prejudice.

    Can someone act white? black? yellow? red? brown?

    Perhaps your friends are very Americanized. It is the culture that should be embrace.
    It is a melting pot that Laotian people have placed their food, knowledge, music and their entire culture in.

    If we cannot respect each other. There will always be a cultural barrier.

    I am glad you love your white people. The white people must love yellow people.
    The white people are the reason why yellow people are in America.
    Am I wrong?

  5. Laotian Teacher

    Good evening all. Thank you for all your comments on this issue. I think interracial relationship is very complicated at times. It depends on the persons involved and on the situation. All of us have a different experience when it comes to this. I will just go off of my own experience. In high school I never dated anybody who was not Asian. It wasn’t that I didn’t think other races were appealing, it was just the way I was brought up. My parents didn’t want me to date anybody period because they wanted me to focus on school.

    To make a long story short, when I went off to college I dated a hispanic guy which happens to be my husband now. My dad disowned me when he found out that I was serious about my husband because he was a different race. Of course, eventually he got over it.

    Before I became serious with my husband I explained to him about my culture, my responsibility as a Laotian daughter and how he had to act when we are in the Laos community. For example, I told him no public display of affection when we are home. Also, he had to greet the elders a certain way etc. There are times where we run into obstacles because of our culture but we have learned to compromise.

    Bottom line: every relation takes work no matter who is involve or what culture. Yes, there are some couples who struggle when they are in an interracial relationship, but so does everyone else. Like I said it both parties need to compromise and work at it.

    1. I don’t get into the cultural color thing,I’m black but the way I feel in a relationships has nothing to do with my color,it has a lot to do with the interaction between me and that person..I have been with a lot of women my fantasy is oriental,Asian,foreign,etc women)

      1. My name
        Asian women hit me up I love you all,I will treat you like a man should treat a woman that he love’s. I am in Philadelphia Pennsylvania but I will travel to visit youI look forward to hearing from you soon bye

      2. I agree that race doesn’t matter when it comes to love. You love that person for who they are and how they treat you. However, it is a good idea for the two people to understand each other’s culture if the relationship develops into something deep and meaningful like marriage.

  6. amphone


    In my circle of friends we called each other crazy names. I called my black friends names. They called me names. It’s an inside joke. I called my Laotian friends twinkies because I can. It fits their character, behavior, the way they dress and everything. They know it’s true.

    We can act certain color(s) because we live in a world full of colors, cultures, and diversities. There are parts of the world that people act one way, extremely prejudice way I think. Don’t have to go abroad. If you go to all whites neighborhood you will see how white people act. Go ahead check it out. Then go to the blacks neighborhood, you will see how they act. Go to the melting pot community, you will see how the melting pot community act. Go to the gay community you will see how the some gay people act. May be I shouldn’t say that but it is how I choose to answer your question.

    Americanized, colonized, Laotianized, Vietnamized, are all part of the world melting into one pot. It’s matter of time. In the 80s a lot of my friends were Vietnamized. They love anything Vietnamese, remember Linda Tran Dai? They listen to alll Vieitnamese songs, dated Vietnamese, married to Vietnamese, etc. A Laotian like me, I was never was “….nized”. I just embraced what came a long. I don’t discriminate or prejudice against anyone. I will die if they shut down all the Vietnamese or Chinese restaurant. Burger King or McDonald too.

    Base on my previous posting, you pretty much can tell who I am. Don’t ask me that please. I would have to explain it. I might have left out certain thing like, some white people eat everything we eat. Stuffs like that. It seems to me you have a great guy for a brother in-law. Can he tell us how it feel to be with an Asian woman VS being with a white woman or a white woman? Doesn’t matter. He knows how he feel. That’s all that matter. I don’t care.

    I broke the cultural barrier a long time ago. White people came to America when there were only native Americans living here. White people went to Asia a few hundred years ago. White people done (great) many things. But white peole is not the reason yellow peole are in America.

    I came to America when I was 12. Not my choice. Doesn’t matter now. I love my America and I will shed my own blood to keep the flag red. I am a citizen and I love my black, brown, blue, white, yellow, brothers and sisters. Excuse the last posting. I don’t want to offend anyone if I left anyone beside the white people out. That would be discriminating. Aren’t all the founding fathers white?

  7. amphone

    Laotian Teacher,

    Glad you post the topic. I think if I was your father I would have disown you too. But I am not him. The reason he did so at the time is because we Laotians have come a long way to be here. We (they) believe in preserving the culture and heritage which is so dear to us. It was nerve wrecking for their daughter to married someone else outside their race. Doesn’t matter now, is it? We live in America, we learn greater values such as unity in diversity. We broke the iron curtain of papenee (tradition). Generation X shapes the future. I can imagine having an Iraqi wife or a Russian wife. May be both. That’d be awesome. Honey would you take off your robe please? Ha ha. Honey, why you drink so much vodka? It’s 90 degree. Another ha ha.

    I think you got a great husband. The Hispanics or Latinos are so loving and affectioned. Their culture is beautiful. Rambada, anyone?

    The bottom line is if both party, man or woman, who are extremely prejudice, they would not get marry to begin with. Only those who have married their own race and then married someone outside their race can tell what’s it like. Great posting, but what did we learn from this discussion?

    I learned that mixed married can last. Race has nothing to do with it. Vows can be exchanged yet can be broken no matter who you are. Sacrifice? No need to sacrifice, love conquers all. As human being, we are allowed to change to sooth our needs for existence. It is why divorce happens. No matter what race you are, you can be a good wife or a good husband, a good father or a good mother.

    In the Laotian Teacher’s observation, she sees more Asian women married white men. That is true. What make their relationship blossom is probably both contribute greatly to each other’s happiness. It takes two to tango.

  8. devinemissmerlin

    Wow… I grew up in a very isolated white american community and moved when my children were little so they COULD learn about other cultures. It is a blessing to see the open views and honesty. An inter-racial relationship will have more obstacles than the average same race relationship. As an individual, I never even thought about an inter-racial relationship for two reasons: A) There were very few individuals to consider and B) My father would have killed me.

    For my children… Both of my sons are SMART about people. They recognize kindness and character. If they chose a woman of a different race, I would know she was worthy of their choice. I would do my best to encourage and respect their journey into understanding her family and culture… and (OMG, this is making me cry… I am such a sap about the boys) I would love her like my own child.

    I hope that we can become a society that cherishes our differences and the honor in people.

  9. Laotian Teacher

    Devinemissmerlin, thank you for expressing your point of view on this issue. I totally understand how you feel about boys because I have a son and he is definitely my heart and soul. I have a daughter as well.

    I think what you are doing is good— exposing your kid to different choices, cultures and ideas. Your kids are lucky to have someone who is raising them in a nonjudgemental environment. I think as a parent we need to raise our kids to respect everybody how different we are. If we want to change the world we need to start it from home. Often times we complain about the problems with racism but we don’t do anything about it. Well, we can by teaching our kids what is right. I like what you said about your trusting your kids to make the right choice and you would love whoever they pick. If you raise your kids right then they will pick someone who mirrors their own morals and values.

  10. devinemissmerlin

    That is the hope… As parents, we just try our best… In the end, our children are going to be in therapy anyway *smirk*

  11. whitewithrice

    I agree 100% with the important points before entering a interracial relationship especially of asian descent. I unfortunately was broadside with those and was not very understanding to begin with.

    After heated arguments and fights and thinking that asian men have no backbone when it comes to family I begin to understand that this was a cycle that all to most Asian families go thru. Thats how they were raised and thier parents were raised and so on. It the culture of family .

    But as a western girl I was brought up the complete opposite which is why both of our feelings towards this were one sided.

  12. Brittany

    I was grown up in a 100% white american family . They always told me that I could be friends with another race but only have relationships with other white americans . In high school met a cute lao boy and I loved him and his personality, he speaks english and lao fluently which makes him a perfect translator for me and can also speak to my family as well. His family excepts our relationship and so does my moms side of the family . I was always a very picky eater with american food and I hate seafoods . But I eat pho , chicken satay , and beef salad when his family makes it I love sticky rice and white rice . We both work at the same chinese restaurant and I love this boy just as much as any other . We’ve been dating for 3 years now and can’t spend one day without being together our talking to together . Oh and I consider his family my family as well his sister is one of my best friends ., I love the laos culture . so there is our story of our white/laos relationship

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