Why do men cheat?

I don’t often watch “girly” movies or movies about romantic relationships, but my cousin saw the movie, The Women and told me to watch it because it was inspirational.  I have to admit, it was a pretty good movie because it showed the power and strenght of a women.  It was inspirational because it showed that no matter what happens, if you have good friends you will be able to get through it.  One of my favorite part of the movie is when the mother of the main character tells her daughter that if you can survive a broken heart (when your spouse/partner cheats on you) then there is nothing you can’t survive.  Of course, that’s what I got out of it.

The movie touches on the issue of why men stray.  The movie centers on the idea that a man needs to feel needed by his woman or he will stray.  It also points out that just because a husband cheats on his wife doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her.  The movie seem to suggest that the wife is not meeting the husband’s emotional and physical need  so he turns to the other woman to fulfill it. I don’t know about other woman, but it is difficult for me to believe that the majority of the men who cheats is because he is craving emotional attention from his wife. Why do  I think this? I think it is easier for men to seperate emotions from sex.  Is it easier for a man to cheat on his woman because he sees sex as something more physical then emotional?

Do men cheat because…

1. They are bored sleeping with the same woman?

2. They don’t love their woman anymore?

3. They feel they have a right to because their partner doesn’t give them any attention?

4. They want to prove that they still are attractive to other women?

5. They know they can get away with it?

According to Livescience.com:

When it comes to infidelity, research shows that men are motivated primarily by the lure of sex, while women trek outside the marriage due to emotional neglect and the need for emotional intimacy.

Though more men than women cheat, infidelity is on the rise among both in recent decades.

The rest of the article is pretty interesting because it gives famous cases of cheating spouses such as the Clintons.


13 thoughts on “Why do men cheat?

  1. smily

    I believe it has always something to do with the others feelings. Love is just a word but it never has an indefinite meaning at all but we all know its a strange feeling when it caught you. People change and so as its way to its daily living, aside about luxury some becomes boatful in what they have and tend to change for who they are. As an individual I believe cheating is a sin but what can we do if your partners feelings had change? It will never be stable. SOme people stay with the other because it doesnt have a choice, its afraid or some commitments because of the kids or family. My sister in law found out that her husband was cheating on her for so long that she found out later when he left hes email open. She pretended not to know but it was hard for her to keep it thinking what is wrong with me for him to be with someone else? I remember she asked me for an advice in what she should do.. I told her you know your husband better then me and I dont know what else to say. She confronted him so many times after giving him so many hints to tell her but she got tired waiting. They tried working their relationship after she found out about it and she still slept on the same bed, she said she was stupid to do that. I had a hearbreak myself, after she got divorce and got over it. She told me you may feel you lose a lot in every relationsip but there is one thing that they cant take away from you and thats your self respect. She went on with her life and her X husband ( now ) is still helping her with the kids but she got married that she says, better than him. Im 5 years younger then her and most of the time I ask her for an advice after she got over her marriage, she said second chance is always around and that we shouldnt give up looking, always get ready for the things thats unexpected.

  2. Laotian Teacher

    Smily, you brought up some good points especially about how a partner’s feelings can change and there’s nothing we can do about it if the other person wants to get out. Relationship is so much work and both partners need to work at it. Also, I think sometimes when people cheat they have forgotten the value of their relationship. They think if there is a problem, they should just run away from it instead of working hard together to solve it.

    What happen to your sister is a woman’s worst nightmare. At least she eventually got out of the relationship once she realized that he was not worth it. Your sister was pretty smart when she said that our self-respect can not be taken away. She is right, we need to value ourselves and respect ourselfs enough to end a bad relationship. Like you said at first your sister wondered what was wrong with her that her husband cheated on her. Women often blame themselves when sometimes it’s not their fault. Your sister is right, there is always someone out there so even though a woman has a bad experience doesn’t mean she will be unable to find someone to treat her better.

  3. amphone

    Teacher, if I may, cheating is a sin. Cheating in a card game and cheating in a marriage are two different grade of sins. You get into a different section of hell. Just like a prison for criminals. There’s different prison for different crime.

    I am a divorcee, so I know to say that I’m glad I didn’t have to cheat. I took the road and took the hit. Stay single is what I should have done. Then what would become of my children if I didn’t meet their mom. I can say it was fate that brought us together, but that’s after the fact. There are always pain and hearthach for one party or the others big or small.

    Teacher’s right, it’s a woman’s nightmare to learn that she had been deceived. I want her to be happier so I left. That was my case. I took a vow, I didn’t keep. I commit a sinful act. I admit. I will except my punishment in the after life. Not that I have not suffer enough in this life. I do wish that people of the world would consider and think of their children before they decide to get a divorce. But that’s up to everyone. No one know what happen inside their home or behind close curtain. Some home is too much to bear. Some homes are just unsalvagable.

    Finding someone to please me is the thing of the past now. I am much happier myself now. I just got to pay for my sin and in time I’m sure I will.

  4. smily

    Yes amphone you are right but remember nobody is perfect and there is worst case that people has made to be judge after life then you. Not having a good relationship/ past doesnt mean everything is over, sometimes its just the biggining of individuals happiness. I remember I use to see my sister in law smiling and I couldnt believe shes having problem, I guess they put a fake smile everytime someone is hurting. She actually did much better work in everything in her life when she got divorce because it made her think how stupid of her to try that she know she wont have the things she used before. The hard part was telling the kids but it wasnt that bad because they kept their relationship with them in the same way.

    LaotianTeacher. My sis in law never blamed herself when he found out that he was cheating on her, she was thinking what was wrong with their relationship but she never question that again. She said if a person loves you it will accept you for who you are but that didnt last long with him and her, he found hes happiness later when he got involve with her and that she cant blame him. Setting someone free means true love, the value we have in every relationship wasnt a loss. Sure thing is “theres no gain without pain”. I know in this world we are all unique and yes there is someone whose better then us in everyway.

  5. amphone

    How did men cheat? Cheating can only be refer to as sleeping with someone else? In some culture or teaching, swayze in thought is also cheating. Swaze like fantasize about someone else. Just thought I add this to Teacher’s question as well.

  6. smily

    Cheating has different meaning. Yes fantasizing someone else is also cheating but these dont mean these men want someone else. Sleeping with someone else is an actual cheating and is a sin. To answer you Teacher, not all men cheats and same goes to woman. It matter sometimes to each others feelings, time, affection and how they communicate. If the other feels alone, it seeks for a companionship. I dont blame men for cheating their woman or woman cheating there men, Im sure theres always a good reason. Some people let go because they want the other ones happiness to pursue when they know its not anymore with them. Like you Amphone, life is not over. What you have experienced is just a beggining. Nobodys perfect and we cant just live in the past, put that behind and forgive yourself and make it up with someone else. Maybe it was faith and you werent destined for each other. We make wrong choices in life and we learn each time we fail. We should not judge ourself or others for doing such thing, If werent made to not make any mistakes how will we learn.

  7. Laotian Teacher

    Hello Amphone and Smily, good points you two have made. You are right everybody has their own definition of cheating. Sometimes, people who cheat will make excuses to justify why they did it so they don’t feel guilty. I think in our modern time, we are too accepting of everything. We are always trying to rationalize our behavior. I think people just need to realize that relationship is a lot of work and in order to keep it together they have to work together to enrich it. Also, people need to realize that every relationship goes through different stages: from lust to love to companionship. The bottom line is if you want a relationship to work you have to try to keep it together. Sometimes, nobody how hard you try, it falls apart because the person change, the circumstance etc.

  8. Laotian Teacher

    Exactly Dallas! People should think of their children first BEFORE they do something that would lead to divorce. For example, as a mother, I want to be a good role model for my daughter so I am always aware of my actions and how how it will effect her. Cheating is easy to prevent: just dont’ put yourself in that position where you will be tempted or if you are ever tempted, think about your spouse and family. It really is that simple to me.

  9. hi i am married to my laotian husbandfor 29yrs we been very happy . but always cheats when he goes to laos. he says its not me its him.but this time it hurts more then before because he came home with out his gold 10 bat necklace that we bought together 20 yrs ago.he says someone took it off of him when he past out. i dont believe him

    1. APUSH Teacher

      Barb,I have to agree with you that he probably is lying. Sadly, your story is not the first nor will it be the last one I have heard. I have heard my stories of Laotian men going to Laos and cheating on their wives. Cheating in the Laotian culture seems to be the norm for the older generations like my mothers. The way my mom explains it to me, men will stray and there’s nothing you can do about it accept decide whether you are going to put up with it or get a divorce. When your husband says it’s not you it’s him and that is true. HE is the one that has the problem. He wants his cake and eat it too. However, we also have to keep in mind that it takes two to tango. Men and women are both to blame. Infidelity is much more complex than it seems. You just have to decide if you are happier with him or without him even if he cheats.

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