Interracial Relationship

What race do Asian woman date if they go outside their race?  From my observation, there seems to be a great deal of Asian woman dating white males more than any other race.

I grew up in a large Laotian community.  As a teenager, I never witness any Lao people in my community who dated another race except my cousin and my brother.  Both of them dated white people. I did not witness anybody dating black  or hispanic people.  Upon reflection I realize that in the Lao community I grew up in, there was an unspoken understanding or expectation  that all Lao people date only Lao people.  I don’t remember anybody challenging the status quo while I was a teenage except my brother and cousin. Come to think of it, I think the younger generations did not date outside the Lao community because there were plenty of people to choose from so  it was expected that you pick from your own race.  However, if you grew up in a community where there are a shortage of Lao people, then is there really any choice but to date outside your race? 

Before entering in any serious interracial relationship it is important to consider some important points:

Does your potential partner respect your culture? 

Do they understand what is expected of them when it comes to behavior in that community?

Are they willing to learn, be a part of a totally new culture?

Interracial relationship can be difficult if both partners do not communicate what their expectations are or they refuse to compromise.  For example,  I have a friend who was stressed out because her boyfriend had a difficult time understanding why she is always helping her family out especially financially. When she would do that, he would ask her why does she have to give money to her family since they are adults. When she explained that she was brought that when a family member needs help, you do it. He said she is an adult now so she can say no.  Since he was brought up in an environment where everybody had to fend for themselves, it was hard for him to understand her point of view.

Interracial relationship can work if both parties are honest about their expectations before it gets too serious like marriage.  It would be a mistake to believe that your partner will change because more than likely they will not.  Actually it is their prerogative to believe what they want and act the way they want, but will you be able to live with that?  It comes down to you to decide how much you are willing to compromise or sacrifice in order for your relationship to work.

Please take this survey about interracial dating.

http://www.polldaddy.com/s/45BFF123995146C8/

What’s in a name?

One of my favorite book is The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. I love this book because it is a realistic portrayal of obstacles that many immigrants like myself have struggled with as a child, an adolescent and a teenager:  the pressing need to retain our cultural identity while assimilating into the American culture. Many of us have fought long and hard to obey our parents’ wishes or commands of staying true to our culture, tradition and heritage. Personally, it was a difficult journey for me as a young child because the other kids made me feel ashamed and uncomfortable about who I was since I didn’t dress, sound , look or fit in with them.  If I was writing a book about my years in elementary as an immigrant in an American school I would call it:  Silent and Mute because I was trying to call attention to myself as little as possible.  I figure if I didn’t talk then the kids couldn’t laugh at my thick accent and snicker with their friends at my attempt of speaking the English language.  I hated the way I sound when I spoke English because to my ears, I sounded funny and stupid. 

Besides being ashamed of my accent, I also hated my name ( Anousone) which I changed the spelling to Anasone because people had a difficult time pronouncing it when I spelled it the other way.  Some kids and teachers would call me Anacin, Answan, or Anouson knee.  I rarely corrected them when I was in grade school and middle school because they would forget anyways and went back to mispronouncing it. 
The main character in the book, Gogol had the same problem as I did.  He hated his name because people couldn’t pronounce it so he changed his name when he goes off to college to Nikhil ( later shorten to Nick) because he wanted to start over.  He was trying to fit in and he thought by changing his name it would make his life easier.  Besides changing his name so he can be more American, he also fought against his culture and traditions.  I have to admit that I used to be the same way in elementary, Junior High and even high school because I was trying too hard to fit in with the rest of the crowd instead of standing out. 

If your are interested in reading the book, here’s a description of the story on the back cover of the book:

Meet the Ganguli family, new arrivals from Calcutta, trying their best to become Americans as they pine for home. The name they bestow on their firstborn, Gogol, betrays all the conflicts of honoring tradition in a new world— conflicts that will haunt Gogol on his own winding path through divided loyalties, comic detours, and wrenching love affairs.

Of course there is a movie in case you do not want to read it.  I have not watched the movie yet because I am afraid the movie will not live up to the book.  However, after reading and seeing the previews I will definitely watch the movie.