Boys and puberty stinks!

 

” Austin you need to put deodorant on because you are stinking up this car!” My daughter, the blunt one yells at her brother as he got in the car. I have to admit she was right but she didn’t have to be so rude about it! I gave her the evil eye before turning to my son in the backseat and said in a more gentler tone, ” Son, you do need to put deodorant on.” According to the website, Sutter Health , during puberty, boys will go through many physical changes such as growth spurt, acne, facial and underarm hair and genitalia growth just to name a few things.

I don’t about the rest of you but growing up in a Lao household, puberty was not something we discuss openly. So I didn’t have a point of reference to fall back on except my own experience with my daughter. When my daughter hit puberty, I was candid with her because my mother never talked about periods, pubic hair, or boobs! However, being a single mom, with no man in the house, I was struggling with how to tell my son about what his body was going to go through once he hits puberty. Should I be as candid? Should I just blurt out, ” Son your balls and penis will grow during this time? Your voice will squeak and yes you may grow man boobs?” Even though I prize myself for being a “modern” Lao woman and mom, I just couldn’t bring myself to say those things to my son so I consult with my teenage daughter about how I should talk to Austin about puberty. She reassured me and said, ” Mom leave this up to me. I’ll take care of it!” Little did I know that she would be so blunt about it that she verged on being crude!

I remember clear as day what  Anora, my daughter’s puberty “talk” with her brother consisted of. There we were driving around looking for a place to have lunch when she turned to her brother and said, ” Austin, I just wanted to let you know that mom and I are here for you if you have any questions about puberty. You know boys your age, will probably start masturbating and stuff like that so don’t worry we will not invade your privacy if you feel the need to!”  Looking back I don’t know WHY I was so shock by what she said to her brother considering how upfront she is but I was still SHOCKED!” I gave her that ” Are you on crack?” look and she responded with, ” Hello mother, you said talk to him about puberty!” I exclaimed, ” Yes, but about acne, and body hair and shit like that!” Just when my daughter and I was about to continue our heated argument, my son Austin, calmly announced, “My class was given the puberty talk last month so…” Well, that took the wind out of our sail and I responded, “Well, I’m glad they did but if you have anymore questions ask me and not your crazy sister!”

The point of the story is, just be honest with your child about puberty and do not leave them in the dark even though puberty can be an embarrassing topic to bring up!

 

Court Liaison for Magellan Behavioral Health Services

My job is to be a part of the team with the court administration department within the Maricopa County Superior Court for juveniles . I have to act as a centralized point of communication between the mental health service delivery system and the courts.  I work with judges, commissioners, public defenders, prosecutors, probation officers, and CPS workers on behalf of Magellan in cooperation with the assigned PNO in order to ensure continuity of care and timely service delivery for children as applicable to delinquency and dependency issues.  Basically-Magellan is responsible for providing mental health services for the kids in Maricopa county and we contract out to 3 different networks who actually provide the counseling, case management, or other needed services  to the kids. My job is to make sure that they are doing this-specifically for the kids who are involved with the court system because they are on probation, have broken the law, or about to break the law .  For example, kids who runaway. I get notified by the judge, probation, and/or lawyers  about a case where the kid is getting services from one of these providers but not getting what they need or they are not getting mental health services but need to. Therefore I step in to make sure that this happens and have to answer to the court about their services and the progress that is being made. Everyone (judges, lawyers, family, ) is usually wanting to place the child in a treatment facility but that is not appropriate at times. They have to get other services first before they can get that higher level of care. I also like to give the example of anyone of us needing an operation but just like with our insurance-we have to get a battery of  tests done, see the doctors more than once  before we go straight to having surgery to make sure we actually  need it. The kids have to be on medicaid to get our services unless they want to pay out of pocket.

My daily activities are attending court hearings,  staffings at different agencies, making tons of phone calls and emails to make sure things are getting done.

My challenges are getting everyone together, getting people to answer my calls, and making sure that they did what the court ask them to-basically gather information. I have to do all these before the next court hearing because although it is the provider that is giving them the services-the court looks at me for the answers. I have to make sure I have an answer before I get in that court room. It is difficult at times because as we all know not everyone does their job and if I have to I call their supervisors or the head of the networks. My position lets me do that and when I have to call the higher ups-things do get done so that is great. I let them know  that I am on their side and I use “us” and not “you” when I work with each team because when I go to court the judge does not care if I tell them nothing is being done or if I blame anyone. I think that is why I get a great deal of cooperation from the different agencies because I do what they do too. For example, I attend staffings,but also I schedule them if I have to. I do not just ask them to do something and not do it myself. Another important aspect of my responsibility is that I stand up for the providers when we are getting verbally attacked by the lawyers, etc. The biggest challenge I faced in this job was that it was a new position. As a result, my bosses did not know what exactly I was going to be doing day to day. I was just put in an office in the court and that is all the direction they gave me. I had to find ways as to how I can be productive and useful to the court.

I have a master’s degree but you do not have to have a masters for this job because a bachelors in the  field of mental health or social services will be fine. However you have to know how the system works, be able to remember little details so you can follow up with people in a timely manner, be on time, multitask, have good communication skills, and be able to motivate people to get things done. If I do not hear from someone within 24 hrs I will call the next person in charge and I have to do this because I am in a time crunch to report to the court. You cannot be the type of person who waits for someone else to do it because then you will not be good at your job.  Anyhow-it will only take one time for you to get yelled at by a judge in front of everyone for you to do your job better. It has not happened to me but I have seen it happen to others. I take pride in my word and when I say I am going to do something I do it. Our word is the only thing we have and if you do not keep your word then no one will think you are competent. I am an extrovert and an introvert but I definitely have to use my people skills in this job just like most of the jobs. You also have to be a go getter and not someone who needs a supervisor to hold their hand every step of the way. You have to be able to work independently.The bottom line as to why I am persistent and make sure things get done is because I believe that the kid and his/her family need the help and that is the reason I do it.

Khonnie’s college profile

1. Did you always wanted to go to college? Why or Why not?

Yes and because my parents said I had to go-it was not a choice.

 2.  How long did it take for you to finish college?

 I finished college in three years because I took more classes than the required credits and went to summer school for two years. I started the summer after my high school graduation then went through the next summer too. I did take a summer off to go to New York and New Jersey so that was cool.

 3. What did you get your undergraduate degree in? Your masters?

 My undergrad is in Sociology with an emphasis in criminal justice, minor in psychology. I could have taken a few more classes and doubled majored but I did not get a lot of assistance from the counselors. I strongly encouraged that students ask these kinds of questions their first year-what their options are and how to achieve it. I have a Master’s in Social Work and since I did not have a Bachelor in Social Work-I had to take an extra year of classes.

4. How did you decide on your major? Minor?

 I always knew I wanted to be a social worker but ENMU did not have a BSW and I did not have any assistance in high school as to how to get scholarships, going to other schools, etc. I went to ENMU because that was where my brother and sister went. Sociology was the closest to what I wanted to be-I also had wanted to be a police officer or a probation officer too and that is how I did my work study at the university police station for all 3 years.

5.  How did you pay for your degrees?

 I received grants and financial aid for my education. I had to do work-study for money to pay for my living expenses but I was lucky because I was able to work more than the maximum of 12 hrs weekly because of where I worked. I also was able to get more hours during summer and holidays so I was lucky. I was also on food stamps during college too. My master’s I had to pay for it myself-I am still paying off the loans. I had to work full time to support myself so I had to go part time for my master’s-that is why it took me 3 years. It also took me 3 yrs because my undergrad was not in social work.

 6. What did you like about college?

 Freedom from my parents, the dances, meeting new friends, loved my job at the university police station because my bosses were great. I still keep in touch with them to this day and I graduated in 1994.

 7. What did you gain the most from going to college, besides your degree?

 I gained the knowledge that I can do whatever I set my mind to and that along the way there are people who will support me. I learned that college is not just for smart people (although I am smart! J ) but that if you are willing to work hard you can get a college education. I hear some people tell me that they were afraid of going or they were not smart enough but you do not have to be book smart to go to college-you just have to be persistent.

 8.  What is your advice to people who don’t want to go to college?

 I would tell them that unless you are lucky to become rich by having a career that brings you money and stability, or that you want to work manual labor for most of your life, or you were born into money-getting a college degree should be your back up plan. A college degree nowadays is like a high school diploma-it has already lost some of its value (because now more people are getting masters degrees) so it is something people need to have. I am not rich because of my degree but I am not poor either. Having a degree has given me  the freedom to do more in my life.

 9.  What advice do you have for first year college students?

 You do not have to go to every class to pass but you need to make it to most! Map your degree plan ASAP.

 10.  Did you have to do any internship during your undergraduate or graduate work?  Can you describe those experiences?

  I had to do an internship for the last six months of my undergrad which I did at a boy’s home. Of course my job at the university police station was a great resume builder. For my master’s I had to do year long internships-the 2nd and 3rd year of my degree. The first internship was at the public defender’s office in downtown Albuquerque. I worked with a social worker who helped inmates at the jail find alternative sentences such as instead of going to jail for their 1st DUI offense they could go to a rehab place. My second internship was actually a fellowship meaning you get a small amount of money so I would highly recommend getting a fellowship if you can. I did it at the Health and Sciences Dept with the University of New Mexico-in the neurodisability section. I was in the LEND program-leadership and education in neurodisablity-working with kids with health concerns such as Autism, cerebral palsy, etc. I loved it but it was very stressful because in a fellowship most of the time and it is not free money. I had to attend a class all morning 1x a week and do 20 hrs weekly at the different clinics. We also had projects we had to do-this may be easy if you were not working 40-50hrs a week like I was and going to school 4 nights a week.

 

 

Sou and family

Hello, My Name is Sou short for Souphansa. I am Laotian and grew up in a very traditional Lao Home.   I graduated from Christopher Newport University in 2006 with a Bachelor’s of Art Degree in History, and Minor in Art History.

 I was not the typical traditional student like the many attending there at CNU.  I was a young mother of one and a spouse. However I did start out as a traditional student, you know someone who graduates from High School and immediately attends college right after. My Freshman year of college was as average as anybody’s first year at college, frat parties and football games. At that time I was attending Eastern New Mexico University and living with my parents, who of course would not let me live in the dorms because they were typical over protective Lao folks. Anyways, shortly after my freshman year I met the love of my life, a man in the Service named Alexander. We had plan on marrying and starting a family but not until after I graduate. However, that plan didn’t follow through. I got pregnant shortly after starting my sophomore year, and at the moment my simple life just became very complicated. I was now conflicted with my school situation, which quickly went from being at the forefront of my life to the rear. My parents were scared that my situation will be the demise to my college education. It was disappointing to them considering I was the first of our family to ever attend college.  But I assured them that I will continue to finish no matter what, but of course they still had their doubts. Alex and I quickly married and began preparing ourselves for a new baby, all the while, I was still going to school. I was overwhelmed with everything, yet I was also determined to finish, so determined that after I gave birth, two days later I was in class taking my finals.

The next challenged to my college education was moving clear across the country. Being married to someone in the military meant frequent moves. We moved to Newport News, Virginia and I applied to CNU. My Junior year at CNU was the most difficult thing I ever went through. I wanted to finish as quickly as possible so that I could focus on my family and use my degree to get us out of the financial rut that we were in, so I loaded up on classes. Not only that but, I had to work a part time job to pay for childcare. AND I was without the comfort of my parents AND in a new state going through culture shock.

My experience at CNU was very different then my first two years at ENMU. School was only a PART of my life, it was not my whole life. My peers there didn’t look at me differently than any other, after all I was still around their age, and I still dressed like a typical college student. Being a parent doesn’t have to completely change everything about you, just your priorities.  Anyways, nobody had a clue that I was married with a child. Only when I told them would their mouths drop in shock. Their reactions didn’t bother me much, for I was content with my life. I think what was most shocking to them was the fact that each day after school I would have to go pick up my child, prepare dinner, tuck them in bed, all before cracking a book to study. Often times I would only get four hours of sleep and fuel up on coffee.

By my senior year I was a pro at the juggling act. I had a daily routine going and I was enjoying school again. Alex was assigned a year tour over seas so that lighten up my load a bit. All I had to focus on that year was my daughter and graduating. School itself is Not difficult, the courses, the materials. However, what is hard is fitting school into an already busy life. Difficult but not unmanageable. You just need to have a great support system, self-discipline , and a  routine.

I look back at it all, and I actually miss being in school. I enjoyed the atmosphere and all the awesome courses that I took. Such as Archeology, where I got to actually digging up artifacts or the Colonial America class where we visited Thomas Jefferson’s home. All my art classes where I was able to express myself creatively. Going to college was the best challenge of my life, I’m thinking about going back…cause now I’m kind of bored.

What constitutes being called a mae jaeng?

Recently, one of my readers mentioned that she was called a mae jaeng by her parents and it was over things she did that really did not warrant it. Noi stated, “They think I’m imperfect, a smart aleck, they called me a “slut” or “mae jang” even though I haven’t done anything”. When I read this, it had me thinking about how  some Laotians often use these words, “mae jaeng” or “heekill” in their dialogue without thinking or caring how it effects the other people.  These words can be considered very deragatory by American standards as well as Laotians.  For example, the word “mae jaeng” refers to a hooker, a prostitute. When you call someone a “mae jaeng” you are in a sense trying to imply that they have the manners or behavior of a prostitute. I have heard many people use that term in an insulting as well as a joking manner. This can be said the same thing for the word “heekill”. Both terms are usually understood to mean slutty.  By American standards, a parent does not usually think it is slutty if their kids are a smart aleck, imperfect, or talking to boys.  However, in some Laotian community, you are considered slutty if you talk to boys, hold hands, kiss, or hang out with “bad” people (people who smoke, drink, have sex etc). Even the way you dress, even if it is not revealing,can result in you being called a “heekill” by some Lao people if it is something THEY think is not acceptable. For example, when I was in my early teens, one of  the fashion rage was stone wash jeans with holes in it. We would keep washing the jeans until it was soft and worn out and then we would purposely scratch on the little tears until it got bigger and longer to make a hole above the knee.  Nowadays, you can actually buy pants with that worn out look and it’s considered fashion, but back in my Laotian community, in the eighties it was considered bad because we were ” defying” authority for dressing the way we want and not how they wanted. I remember my dad commenting, “kau been heekill that” (why are you being slutty). Even though I wasn’t showing anything, he would say that to show his displeasure of me doing what I want and not what he wanted which was to dress a certain way.

I think when it comes to the words, “mae jaeng” and “heekill” some Laotian parents thoughtlessly use it to refer to their own kids without any consideration of how that will affect their kids. They usually say these words to show their displeasure over what THEY percieve as an unacceptable behavior  or to put or remind their children of their place in society.  Of course, not all Laotian parents used these terms to express their discontent about their children’s behavior.  I think sometimes Laotian parents use this terms to “shock” their kids in compliance, or to remind them what is expected of them. For example, when I was a teen I wanted to go to the boon (Lao party) but when I would ask for my mom to take me she would answer, “kau heekill that”  meaning only “bad” girls want to party.  It didn’t matter that she would be there and other adults. Most American teens would be horrified at the thought of going to a party with their parents.

What constitutes being called a “mae jaeng” or a “heekill”? In some Laotian community, you don’t even have to sleep around to be called a slut, just hanging out with boys can get you labeled. Are Laotian parents less sensitive to their kid’s feelings?

Me on the left wearing one of my stoned washed jeans I later "scratch" to make holes in. My dad would get all riled up.

Interracial Relationship

What race do Asian woman date if they go outside their race?  From my observation, there seems to be a great deal of Asian woman dating white males more than any other race.

I grew up in a large Laotian community.  As a teenager, I never witness any Lao people in my community who dated another race except my cousin and my brother.  Both of them dated white people. I did not witness anybody dating black  or hispanic people.  Upon reflection I realize that in the Lao community I grew up in, there was an unspoken understanding or expectation  that all Lao people date only Lao people.  I don’t remember anybody challenging the status quo while I was a teenage except my brother and cousin. Come to think of it, I think the younger generations did not date outside the Lao community because there were plenty of people to choose from so  it was expected that you pick from your own race.  However, if you grew up in a community where there are a shortage of Lao people, then is there really any choice but to date outside your race? 

Before entering in any serious interracial relationship it is important to consider some important points:

Does your potential partner respect your culture? 

Do they understand what is expected of them when it comes to behavior in that community?

Are they willing to learn, be a part of a totally new culture?

Interracial relationship can be difficult if both partners do not communicate what their expectations are or they refuse to compromise.  For example,  I have a friend who was stressed out because her boyfriend had a difficult time understanding why she is always helping her family out especially financially. When she would do that, he would ask her why does she have to give money to her family since they are adults. When she explained that she was brought that when a family member needs help, you do it. He said she is an adult now so she can say no.  Since he was brought up in an environment where everybody had to fend for themselves, it was hard for him to understand her point of view.

Interracial relationship can work if both parties are honest about their expectations before it gets too serious like marriage.  It would be a mistake to believe that your partner will change because more than likely they will not.  Actually it is their prerogative to believe what they want and act the way they want, but will you be able to live with that?  It comes down to you to decide how much you are willing to compromise or sacrifice in order for your relationship to work.

Please take this survey about interracial dating.

http://www.polldaddy.com/s/45BFF123995146C8/

Arrange marriages

(left to right: sister, cousin, and I)

When I was about thirteen, my cousin was married off.  She was about seventeen or eighteen I believe.  It all started when one of the single men who was an acquaintance of both of our family, saw my cousin.  I guess he fell in love with her, but the feeling was not mutual.  My cousin was in love with someone else.  Unbeknown-est to my cousin, the man was serious in his pursuit of her.  He was bound and determine to make her his wife. 

One weekend he brought his parents and relatives to Clovis to ask her sister and brother-in-law for her hand in marriage.  Her sister agreed without my cousin’s consent.  The adults set the term of agreement for the marriage, like how much dowry he was going to give to her sister and brother-in-law. My cousin was devastated because she was not remotely attracted this man much less love him.  She was already in love with someone else, but that did not matter because once her family gave their word, it was a done deal!

A couple of weeks before the wedding, her betrothal came down from Canyon to Clovis to take her shopping for something.  I don’t even remember what for, but I think it was bed linens because I remember we looked at some.  He asked her if she liked it, and she practically snarled at him that she didn’t care. Since my cousin dragged me along, I had no choice but to go because she was my favorite and I knew she didn’t want to be alone with him. I think she was being rude to him, in hopes that he would not want to marry her.  Poor my cousin because he still did not cancel the wedding even when she tried to run away  before the wedding.

I was given the ‘honor” of washing the groom’s feet on the day of the wedding.  At thirteen, I really didn’t want to wash anybody’s knarly feet, much less those of the man my cousin despised.  However, since I was asked I couldn’t say hell no.  Sometimes it’s difficult to be an obedient Lao girl!

There was a procession of musician and people leading the groom to the bride’s house.  When the groom gets there, and before he can enter the house, I pour perfumed water on his feet after he passes the “questioning’ from my cousin’s family.  Questions like what are his intention? Why should they let him in?  Of course, this is all done goodnaturely, and they didn’t ask the most important person which was my cousin.  I’m sure she would have grab the perfumed water bowl from my hands, throw it at his face, tell him to go to hell and slam the door. However, since she was not the one at the door, she did the next best thing, she got stinking drunk on her wedding day at the feast. 

There were rumors that the guy she loved was going to attend the wedding.  I don’t remember if he did or not.  I know that he did not get married for awhile. 

What happened to my cousin is not an isolated case.  One of my good friend was about 16 when she let it slipped that she like this man from Amarillo.  Once again, he was a family acquaintenance. After she said she liked him, the planning started.  My friend said, the details were ironed out and the next thing you know she found herself married to a man who was 10 years older than her.  I recently asked her why did she give in when she was not sure.  She said, ” You know as well as I that we were raised to obey and respect our parents.  I didn’t know how to say no.” 

I believe the marriage last about a year before my friend took off and called home and told her parents that she was not coming back home until he husband was gone.  When he left she came home. 

Sixteen and absolutely no sense of style

When I was sixteen or seventeen, my dad’s best friend’s son told me a secret.  He said he heard his uncle tell his dad that he wanted to marry me because I was so sweet and such a nice girl.  I have to admit at the time I did think his uncle was kind of good looking and nice but I saw what happened to my cousin and my friend.  I decided the best way to stop his admiration was to act dumb, immature, and goofy. I didn’t think my parents would marry me off because they always told me I was not to get marry until after college.  However, I am ashamed to say, I misjudged my parents.  When the subject was brought up, my parents laughed and told everyone I was not going to get marry anytime soon since I was going college.  This is one area my parents and I agree on!

Do I agree with arrange marriages?  It doesn’t really matter because it is up to the individual to decide how they want to live their life.

Refugee Camps: Part Two

Just when my stepfather and mother were starting to save money and send for us, they were thrown in jail for illegally entering Thailand. The men and women were seperated.  My stepfather was led away in wrist and ankle chain with the other men like herds of cattle.  My mom was thrown in the cell with other women.  She would not see my stepfather again until a month later when they would appear in front of the judge who would decide their fate.

During the month that my mom was seperated from my stepfather, she was kept busy knitting fishing nets. She said she was lucky that she knew how to knit and weave because the other women who couldn’t do that had to go shovel human waste from the pits.   

After a month had passed it was time for my mom and stepdad to go in front of the judge along with some of the other prisoners.  When my mom got there to the courtroom, she looked for my dad, but couldn’t see him so she ask if my stepdad was on the list to appear in front of the judge that day. The Thai officer asked for my stepdad’s name and sure enough he was on the list.  So, my mom looked around the courtroom again and finally located my stepdad.  She didn’t recognize him because he had lost a lot of weight and they had shaved his head.  My mom was speechless and saddened to see my stepdad humiliated like that.  In a matter of months he went from being a Sub-Lientenant in the Laos army to a lowly prisoner in the Thai prison where he was the one under the control of the prison guard instead of the one giving orders.

My mom and stepdad had no choice but to stand there and remain silent as the judge accused all the refugees in the courtroom of being Communist who wanted nothing more than to turn Thailand into a communist country.  The judge said all the refugees (Cambodians, Vietnamese, and Laotians) were bad for the country and that they needed to be sent back to where they came from.  He said it was not up to Thailand to take care of the refugees and that it was not up to them to be concern for the safety and welfare of these criminals.  After the judgement was passed down, the refugees were readied to be transported to one of the border city of Thailand.  Once there, the refugees were let loose to make their own way to their individual country with the threat of dire consequences if they were to sneak back to Thailand.  That pronouncement was not enforced.  My mom said since there were not many Thai authorities to enforce the ruling, many refugees went back to Thailand as in the case of my mom and stepfather.  They borded the bus to take them back to where they were living (in kamalied or khamalid Nonaly) which was a hundred miles away from the border of Thailand and Laos.

Once back in Kamalaid, they went back to their rented house, their jobs.  My mom continue selling sweets and doing laundry.  My dad continue using the sam lor as a taxi to make money. Fortunately, for my parents, my dad had made friends with one of the Thai police officer.  The officer helped my dad out by telling the other officers that my mom and dad are good hard working people and that they are not there to make trouble. The police left them alone this time. My parents steadily save a little money here and there.  About three months after they got out of jail, my mom sent word to my grandma to get us ready to cross over to Thailand.   We were living in Laos with our grandmother in Donkayang (closest pronunciation I can translate from what my mom told me). This city is close to the Thai border on the other side of the Mekong. 

My mother and stepfather asked a friend who was familiar with the borders of Laos and Thai to bring us across to the rendevous place.  My sister, Paramy, Khonsavanh, and I were living with my grandma close to the borders of Laos and Thailand, but my older brother was living with my great grandfather at the Wat, closer to Pakse.  So my parents had to first make arrangements for my great grandfather to bring my older brother to where my sisters and I were. Once we were all together, everything was set except there would be one less person on the trip.  My older sister Paramy, fell ill and died about two or three months before we were supposed to leave.  My grandmother did not send word to my mom to let her know so my mom was expecting four children to show up at the border not three. The death of my sister came as a shock to my mom because my grandmother did not prepare her ahead of time.   It took years for my mom to forgive my grandmother for not bringing us to her sooner.  My grandmother had become attached to us. As a result, the first time my mom had told my grandmother to get ready to take us because she was sending someone to guide her across, my grandmother said she needed a little more time to get ready.  My mom told me that if my grandmother had taken us the first time she had asked, maybe my older sister would have still been alive.

By the time we cross over to Thailand, it was 1975.  I was four years old, my little sister Khonsavanh was three, my sister Paramy would have been five, and my older brother was six.  We were ready to start a new life in the refugee camp as  a family. With the birth of my little brother, we begun a new chapter in our lives.

Refugee Camps: Part one

 

This picture was taken in 1979 in a refugee camp in the Thai province of Ubon Ratchanthani

 

I am in the black dress( second from the right) standing in front of my grandma and step-grandfather 

People are familiar with the old saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words”.  There are a dozen story I can tell about the people in this picture. Some sad, some funny, and some uplifting ones.  Some stories I am a central figure to, some I am a bystander, and others I  do not play any role in.  These people’s lives are an integral part of who I am, where I come from, and what I believe in.  Some of them are family members, some are friends and others are people who became a part of my life.  In that refugee camp in Ubon, we were one because of our shared hardship and struggle to make our lives better. When we all had to seperate and make our own way to different parts of the world on that day, it was a sad chapter in our lives.  Having to leave some of them behind until it was their turn to emigrate was necessary.  Fortunately, for my family and I we were able to see some of them again in America.  Some of them like two of my step-father’s cousin ( Ai You ck: fourth from the left, and Ai Yu ung: eighth from the left) would even live with us in Clovis, New Mexico. 

In 1974, my mom and stepfather decided to cross over to Thailand illegally.  They left my older sister, Paramy ( 5), little sister (3) Khonsavahn, me (4) and my oldest brother Vorada (6) in Laos because they didn’t have any money yet to take us.  My sisters and I would remain with my grandmother close to the Thai border until my mom sent for us.  As for my older brother, he was sent to stay with my great grandfather at the Wat close to Pakse where my mother’s family is from.

My mother and step-father would not be able to send for us until almost a year later because of some problems they ran into.  The first obstacle of course was money:  they didn’t have any.  They left Laos with a small pack of their clothing and that was it.  When they got to Kamalaid (I am spelling it phonetically so I’m sure it is the wrong spelling) a village in South Thailand, they sold their nice clothes for 80 baht.  They found a house to rent for 40 baht and the 20 baht they had left, they use to buy a rice steamer and a little bit of food. At the time they did not know anybody yet.  Luckily for them, a nice Thai lady befriended them.  She taught my mom and dad to make fresh noodles and sweets to sell at th bus station.  At first my mom was not a good cook at all.  She said making the fresh noodles and sweets took a while to make, but eventually she got the hang of it.

Image of Sam Lor from movetochiangrai.com

While my mom sold noodles and sweets, my dad decided to rent  a sam lor (three wheeled bicycle) to haul people around to make some money.  Once again at first he was not good at it.  My mom said the first time he tried to drive the sam lor he ran into a thorn bush.  I guess my dad had to adjust from being a soldier in the Laos army to a “taxi” driver.  Eventually, he was able to control the som lor and made some money doing that.  Besides selling sweets and noodles, my mom also did laundry for a rich Thai family.  They would only pay her 50 baht a month.  Another job they took on was shifting rocks that would be used for building houses. They got paid only 20 baht for a big trash can size.  My mom said it was hard work, especially because by that time she was pregnant with my little brother.

Just when my mom and stepdad was almost ready to send for us, someone told on the lady who was helping my parents.  They told the authorities that she was harboring illegal immigrants.  The Thai authorities showed up and arrested my mom and stepdad and took them to jail. 

*** Part two I will continue the story of my parents’ incarceration in the Thai jail for illegally entering the country.

Thalassemia

*** This is for informational purposes only.  My little brother  who is a clinical pharmacist will post a more detailed information when he gets a chance.  This is based on my own experience amd information I’ve come across. I hope the way I explain it will not confuse many of you.  I am NOT a specialist or have any medical training.   I am sharing this story in hopes that more Asians get tested.  It is always best to seek the advice of your doctor who knows your medical history.

About a year ago, my oldest brother told me he had thalassemia minor, but the less severe kind.  He said he was lucky that his doctor was vigilant about his health by suggesting that my brother get a full physical and blood work done.  Since, my brother is from a Southeast Asian country, the doctor had the lab test for a genetic blood disorder called thalassemia. There are two types: alpha and beta thalassemia.  According to Medline Plus website “Alpha thalassemias occur most commonly in people from southeast Asia and China, and are caused by deletion of a gene or genes from the alpha globin chain. The most severe form of alpha thalassemia causes stillbirth (death of a fetus before delivery)”.  Also the most severe victims  of thalassemia needs to get blood transfusion and folate supplements. 

Symptoms

The second form of this disorder is beta thalassemia and it is common among “…people of Mediterranean origin, and to a lesser extent, Chinese, other Asians, and blacks” ( MedlinePlus website).  To figure out if you have this disorder or what types or how severe you have to go to your physician to get a blood work done.  If you suffer from severe fatigue, shortness of breath, jaundice or bone deformities in the face it is wise to tell your health professional about the symptoms and tell them you want to be tested for thalassemia.  Sometimes, thalassemia can be misdiagnose because it is mistaken for a simple iron deficient ( anemia) and some doctors might prescribe iron pills to ratify the situation.  This is the case with me.  I would not have known that I had Thalassemia minor until my older brother advised me to get tested.  So I asked my doctor I wanted to get tested for the disorder.

Getting tested and treated: Cultural and Language barrier

There are many Laotians as well as other Asians who are not getting tested for this disorder because they are unaware or uninformed. It is mind boggling to note that at the Northern California Comprehensive Center at CHRCO that ” 80% of the patient population is of Asian origin. Many of these individuals are recent immigrants to the United States and almost half do not speak English.” The Center stresses their frusttration of adequate patient care because of the difficulty of translating the information in a clear and concise manner where a Lao or Hmong or Chinese person can understand.  If the translator does not have medical training it is much more difficult to translate biology and genetic terms to that language.  Health care providers agree that in order to understand, treat, and explain what thalassemia is, language can be a major  obstacle to overcome, but it is not impossible with a good translator.  Another problem to overcome in regards to treatment is the cultural barrier.  The difference  between eastern and western health beliefs or ideas when it comes to health and sickness can get in the way of treatment.  According to Charles Kemp from Baylor University,” Some health care beliefs and practices are related to Brahmanistic and animistic beliefs. Illness may be attributed to the loss of one of the thirty-two spirits (think also in terms of souls) thought to inhabit the body and maintain health. As with other Southeast Asians, “winds” also play a role in health and illness and bringing the winds into balance restores health or well-being. Laotian views of physical and mental wellness are also tied to a person’s ability to sleep and eat without difficulty.”  This belief can lead many Laotians to rely on their own religious or cultural beliefs to heal instead of seeking western medical help.

If you are of Asian or Mediterrean descent, you can go to your doctor to get tested for this blood disorder. Your health care provider can also recommend genetic counseling for further testing.  This is especially important because if you or your spouse both possess the trait, your kid can have thalassemia major which is the severe form of this disorder.   If  left untreated it can lead to heart or liver failure.  Another thing to be concern about is that the disorder can lead to diabetes which can be lethal if not properly managed. Of course, your doctor can advise you on what diet to follow. . According to the Cooley’s Anemia foundation, “Some people with thalassemia develop diabetes so it is important that if you are suffering from this disorder that you watch your diet to prevent  the onset of diabetes. The main cause of diabetes in people with thalassemia is iron overload in addition to these other factor and the presence of liver disease and viral infection which are common with thalassemia.”  For a detail description on the causes, effects, treatments and dietary help, please click on the following link: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/thalassemia.html