Love don’t live here anymore
I don’t know when the coldness crept in
Was it you or was it me, that opened the door?
It doesn’t matter now, but back then,
We couldn’t get enough of each other,
Where our love used to warm this bed,
but now we both have given it to another.
We could waste each other’s time
And play the classic blame game
But we both know we have crossed the line
And nothing we say or do will be the same
Sadly, we continue to lie here to play this charade.
I read an interesting article today entitled, Dan Savage: Monogamy destroys more families than it saves
. Even though the article came out in 2011, the ideas expressed about monogamy is still relevant today such as: society’s expectations and norms in regards to relationship, the need to be with somebody because we don’t want to be alone, the attraction we feel for someone because they are “new”. He even poses the idea that genetics are responsible for people’s lack of fidelity. Several writers have noted in the article, “As a species, we’ve evolved to be sexually responsive to novelty. From a genetic point of view, the lure of new partners (known to scientists as the Coolidge effect) combined with less responsiveness to the familiar (the Westermarck effect) motivated our ancestors to risk leaving their small hunter/gatherer societies to join other groups, thus avoiding incest and bringing crucial genetic vigor to future generations.” And the article observes that in order for couples to be monogamous they must be able to dedicate all their time and effort into staying faithful and be up to everything for their partner.
My question is how many of us believe that extramarital affair can actually help save a marriage and keep a family together? What would you constitute cheating? Would you want to know if your significant other is cheating on you? Would you tell your family or friends if their loved ones are cheating?
Read more: http://digitaljournal.com/article/308735#ixzz2UYF1zaHD
Read more: http://digitaljournal.com/article/308735#ixzz2UY7s95uM
http://digitaljournal.com/article/308735
According to the Judith Orloff of Psychology Today,”Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.” I find this comparison interesting and found myself wondering what is stronger? Love or Lust? Also are men more lustful than women? Is it easier to control love than lust?
Do men and women cheat on each other because they can’t help themselves? If lust is as strong as Judith Orloff claims in her article, ” Love vs Lust: Do You Know the Difference?” then it seems lust is more powerful. Love doesn’t always stop people from cheating on the ones they love . It just makes them feel bad afterwards.
I was married for 14 years but with my ex-husband for 18 years before we got a divorce. It is true what they said about how “Divorce is like death in the family.” You do go through all those stages a person who has lost someone goes through except the person who has turned your world upside down is still alive to torment you. According to Lee Ann Newton’s article, ” Divorce is Like a Death in the Family”, because the person goes through all these stages:
First I was in denial that it was happening. I never thought I would become part of the statistics and that my relationship was over. Then I got angry, extremely so, at him for making the wrong choice that broke our family apart. I found myself behaving like a rabid dog, a feral beast. I found myself asking, ” Who is this pathetic woman crying, begging and practically groveling over this worthless cheating man? I didn’t recognize myself and didn’t like who I was turning into. I could lie to you and said at that moment I snapped out my emotional breakdown but that’s not what happened. It took me five months to get to the acceptance stage or what I called my “calm and numbing stage” aka ” I don’t give a shit:” stage. Ironically, my ex-husband’s behavior on the day of our divorce pull me out of that deep dark hole I was sucked into for five months.
On the day of my divorce, it was a beautiful and sunny day. The birds were chirping and the weather was in the low 80s. In fact, it was so nice outside, that my soon to be ex-husband remarked , ” This is a beautiful day to get a divorce.” I momentarily stopped in my track and calmly said, ” Yes, it is.” Then proceeded to walk into the courthouse with him following behind and apologetically saying, ” Ana, I was only joking”.
We had to wait for over an hour before the judge called us in but less than ten minutes before the judge declared that our marriage was dissolved. I remember sitting there, looking at the clock and thinking, “Just like that, an 18 year old relationship is no more with that simple word… dissolved”. As I stood up, tears unexpectedly seeped out from the corner of my eyes. I didn’t make a sound, but my silence was so profound that my ex-husband stopped and looked at me and said, ” Do you want a hug?” I shrug off his offer of comfort and said, “No, never again.” What I really wanted to shout at him was, ” Never will I cry over you, never will I give you so much power over me again, you bastard! I hate what you did to our family! I hate you being such a coward! I hate you for being so weak! ” I kept silent because I didn’t want to give him anymore of my time or energy.
The month of May when my divorce became finalized, I registered for classes at GCU and started my graduate program. That same month, I started training for a half marathon in San Diego. I conquer both.
Going through a divorce was hell and it was the worst emotional roller coaster I have ever been on, but as with all rides, it does end.
As many of you are quite aware, there has been a rise in the number of people getting caught cheating because of the social network. Some are dumb enough get caught because they post information about their secret rendevous or their activities online. It amazes me how some of the cheaters would go as far as posting pictures online. Maybe they want to get caught. Whatever their reason, for exposing their business online, they act shocked when they do get caught. Some people even act innocent, like Anthony Weiner who sent pictures of himself to different girls and when he got caught, he acted so shocked. He even denied any wrong doing even when there is hard core proof. In desparation to hide the truth from his wife, family and associates, he went so far as to hire a private detective to look into the matter. Why would he do this especially when he knew he was guilty? It is probably because he is trying to save face.
Are the social networks to blame for the rise in numbers of cheaters? Or would people cheat no matter what? Are people likely to cheat because their emotional or their physical need is not being met? What would be the worst way to find out that your mate is cheating on you?
I don’t often watch “girly” movies or movies about romantic relationships, but my cousin saw the movie, The Women and told me to watch it because it was inspirational. I have to admit, it was a pretty good movie because it showed the power and strenght of a women. It was inspirational because it showed that no matter what happens, if you have good friends you will be able to get through it. One of my favorite part of the movie is when the mother of the main character tells her daughter that if you can survive a broken heart (when your spouse/partner cheats on you) then there is nothing you can’t survive. Of course, that’s what I got out of it.
The movie touches on the issue of why men stray. The movie centers on the idea that a man needs to feel needed by his woman or he will stray. It also points out that just because a husband cheats on his wife doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her. The movie seem to suggest that the wife is not meeting the husband’s emotional and physical need so he turns to the other woman to fulfill it. I don’t know about other woman, but it is difficult for me to believe that the majority of the men who cheats is because he is craving emotional attention from his wife. Why do I think this? I think it is easier for men to seperate emotions from sex. Is it easier for a man to cheat on his woman because he sees sex as something more physical then emotional?
Do men cheat because…
1. They are bored sleeping with the same woman?
2. They don’t love their woman anymore?
3. They feel they have a right to because their partner doesn’t give them any attention?
4. They want to prove that they still are attractive to other women?
5. They know they can get away with it?
According to Livescience.com:
When it comes to infidelity, research shows that men are motivated primarily by the lure of sex, while women trek outside the marriage due to emotional neglect and the need for emotional intimacy.
Though more men than women cheat, infidelity is on the rise among both in recent decades.
The rest of the article is pretty interesting because it gives famous cases of cheating spouses such as the Clintons.
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