According to the Judith Orloff of Psychology Today,”Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.” I find this comparison interesting and found myself wondering what is stronger? Love or Lust? Also are men more lustful than women? Is it easier to control love than lust?
Do men and women cheat on each other because they can’t help themselves? If lust is as strong as Judith Orloff claims in her article, ” Love vs Lust: Do You Know the Difference?” then it seems lust is more powerful. Love doesn’t always stop people from cheating on the ones they love . It just makes them feel bad afterwards.
I was married for 14 years but with my ex-husband for 18 years before we got a divorce. It is true what they said about how “Divorce is like death in the family.” You do go through all those stages a person who has lost someone goes through except the person who has turned your world upside down is still alive to torment you. According to Lee Ann Newton’s article, ” Divorce is Like a Death in the Family”, because the person goes through all these stages:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Numbness
Disorganization (caused by intense emotional suffering)
First I was in denial that it was happening. I never thought I would become part of the statistics and that my relationship was over. Then I got angry, extremely so, at him for making the wrong choice that broke our family apart. I found myself behaving like a rabid dog, a feral beast. I found myself asking, ” Who is this pathetic woman crying, begging and practically groveling over this worthless cheating man? I didn’t recognize myself and didn’t like who I was turning into. I could lie to you and said at that moment I snapped out my emotional breakdown but that’s not what happened. It took me five months to get to the acceptance stage or what I called my “calm and numbing stage” aka ” I don’t give a shit:” stage. Ironically, my ex-husband’s behavior on the day of our divorce pull me out of that deep dark hole I was sucked into for five months.
On the day of my divorce, it was a beautiful and sunny day. The birds were chirping and the weather was in the low 80s. In fact, it was so nice outside, that my soon to be ex-husband remarked , ” This is a beautiful day to get a divorce.” I momentarily stopped in my track and calmly said, ” Yes, it is.” Then proceeded to walk into the courthouse with him following behind and apologetically saying, ” Ana, I was only joking”.
We had to wait for over an hour before the judge called us in but less than ten minutes before the judge declared that our marriage was dissolved. I remember sitting there, looking at the clock and thinking, “Just like that, an 18 year old relationship is no more with that simple word… dissolved”. As I stood up, tears unexpectedly seeped out from the corner of my eyes. I didn’t make a sound, but my silence was so profound that my ex-husband stopped and looked at me and said, ” Do you want a hug?” I shrug off his offer of comfort and said, “No, never again.” What I really wanted to shout at him was, ” Never will I cry over you, never will I give you so much power over me again, you bastard! I hate what you did to our family! I hate you being such a coward! I hate you for being so weak! ” I kept silent because I didn’t want to give him anymore of my time or energy.
The month of May when my divorce became finalized, I registered for classes at GCU and started my graduate program. That same month, I started training for a half marathon in San Diego. I conquer both.
Going through a divorce was hell and it was the worst emotional roller coaster I have ever been on, but as with all rides, it does end.
2012, gained weight lost back over the years, but happy
After watching the movie, This means war, I am left to wonder, what is that IT factor that helps us decide if someone is the ONE? What if the person that you fall for is not really who they say they are but a shell of the real person? How about if they are projecting their best quality to snare you into their trap and once you are there, you realize too late that they are not meant for you? Are some of us so desperate for love that we will make something out of nothing at all? Can we fall just about anything and make them into something that we want?
If you haven’t seen the movie, and you like romantic comedy then check out the trailer:
As many of you are quite aware, there has been a rise in the number of people getting caught cheating because of the social network. Some are dumb enough get caught because they post information about their secret rendevous or their activities online. It amazes me how some of the cheaters would go as far as posting pictures online. Maybe they want to get caught. Whatever their reason, for exposing their business online, they act shocked when they do get caught. Some people even act innocent, like Anthony Weiner who sent pictures of himself to different girls and when he got caught, he acted so shocked. He even denied any wrong doing even when there is hard core proof. In desparation to hide the truth from his wife, family and associates, he went so far as to hire a private detective to look into the matter. Why would he do this especially when he knew he was guilty? It is probably because he is trying to save face.
Are the social networks to blame for the rise in numbers of cheaters? Or would people cheat no matter what? Are people likely to cheat because their emotional or their physical need is not being met? What would be the worst way to find out that your mate is cheating on you?
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break." –An ancient Chinese belief" Author: Unknown
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