Why are there so many men seeking younger girls for relationships?

Lately, I have seen a rise in Laotian older men dating younger girls and even marrying them. One of these older men is my grandma’s brother who went back to Laos to get a wife. She is in her twenties and he is in his sixties. Even though he doesn’t look like his age, I still find their relationship uncomfortable and awkward to accept. Maybe one of the reason is that she is half my age.

My grandma’s brother is not the first case of Laotian men going back to the village to find a wife. I just find it interesting that they can’t find a women here in the U.S. or want one from here. Many men and women have told me one of the reason why so many Laotian men are flocking back to the motherland for a spouse is because the Laotian women here has become too Americanized. Also many Laotian women are no longer content with being a traditional housewife whereas a woman from the village would be happy with a simple life. Of course this is all a matter of opinion.

Besides Laotian men I have heard about many stories of American men going to Asian countries to find wives. I find it sad and disturbing that they have to resort this to find a wife. I find it hard to believe that these young girls are in love with these old men! Maybe I’m fickle but I think they are being used by girls for money and or a Visa. Why would all these men go through the trouble for finding love in a foreign country? Do they think these girls are innocent and would love them for themselves? I truly feel sorry for them because they are so desperate for love that they would resort to this.

If you are interested in seeing more about this subject, watch the trailer. According to Youtube description, “Seeking Asian Female” is an eccentric modern love story about Steven and Sandy—an aging white man with “yellow fever” who is obsessed with marrying any Asian woman, and the young Chinese bride he finds online.

Online Dating: To Do or Not to Do?

Is it more difficult to find real love in the age of technology or is it much more easier? According to Consumer Ranking website( http://www.consumer-rankings.com/dating/), the top five dating website is: Match.com, Zoosk,Eharmony, Chemistry.com,and the latest, OurTime. Most of us are familiar with these sites because we either have been on them, seen advertisements or our friends and family have told us about them. However we have heard of them, we know it’s there as a first or last resort if we are too lazy, shy or desperate to go find love the old fashion way:stomping the streets. If we do decide to use those sites or even all of it, will that make us look desperate or just ready for love? One thing is for sure, all these online dating services are diverse in their offering in terms of age group, needs or wants when it comes to the type of dating you are interested in. I have never used any of those sites because knowing my luck, I would probably end up falling for someone with a fake profile! However one of my sisters have used several of this sites like Match.com and POF. Com(Plenty of Fishes)and she gives me the down low on the men on these websites. She says some men are too eager to be in a relationship while some are not. Some get upset when she tells them straight out that she is not interested in them and try to cajole or browbeat her into talking to them. One even told her that he is worth six million in an attempt to persuade her to give him a chance while another sent her a picture of his ex to show her that yes, he really does like Asian women and that he can get good looking women. While there are negative aspects of online dating she does however admit that she has met some nice and decent guys who lives up to their profile and are genuinely looking for love and commitment.

For those of us who are afraid of online dating, Molly Shapiro of ,”
Point, Click, and Love as well as the article, “Online Dating, Why Most Of Us Just Won’t Do It and Why We Should” says that most of us are afraid of online dating because: We think people will think of us as losers, everyone online lies, men who date online are scary, and the last fear, but I won’t have a good how we meet story! I have to admit she does alleviate some of my fears about online dating but doesn’t mean I will jump on those sites and immediately create a profile and then sit and wait anxiously for someone to tug on my fishing hook!

If you are interested in reading Shapiro’s article please go to:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/molly-shapiro/online-dating-_b_1382660.html.

Let me know what you think about online dating and any interesting stories you have.

What is the worst fear you have about love?

The WomenWhat is the worst fear you have? Not finding love or loosing the love you have? Everybody has heard of the old adage: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Is that true though for those people who have had their heart broken? Would they still have made the same choice? Speaking from experience, I would have to say yes. Catherine Frazier the character from the movie The Women describes the pain of heartbreak the best. She said,”It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again”. I would have to agree that if we had our heart broken no one will be able to do that again because I dont think we fully heal from it. With time the pain may lessen because someone came along to give us hope and inspire us to give love a second chance. However, in the back of our mind, we already have a backup plan in case anything happens or sometimes we may not even put all our efforts into loving someone with all of our hearts and soul. For those of us who are able to love again without reservation, I applaud the courage you have.

Adonis Complex

We all have often heard of women and young girls going to extreme measures in order to achieve that perfect body but now it seems young boys are getting in the action. Have you heard of Adonis Complex? According to New York Times article, Muscular Body Image Lures Boys Into Gym, and Obsession, “…more than 40 percent of boys in middle school and high school said they regularly exercised with the goal of increasing muscle mass. Thirty-eight percent said they used protein supplements, and nearly 6 percent said they had experimented with steroids.” The article goes on to describe how the use of supplements and steroids can stunt the young boys growth but it seems many young people are not heeding the warning. With so many media attention on body image and what the opposite sex consider attractive there is even more pressure for boys as well as girls to do whatever it takes to be fit and that includes diet, excercise and supplements. Even the idea of a perfect woman has shifted from bodacious and voluptuous skinny but fit.”The model of feminine beauty is now more toned and fit and sculpted than it was a generation ago,” said Marla Eisenberg, assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Minnesota. It seems both sexes are willing to push their bodies to extreme in order to be perfect for each other. To read more of the article you can visit: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/19/health/teenage-boys-worried-about-body-image-take-risks.html?pagewanted=2&_r=2&ref=health.

What’s stronger? Love or Lust?

According to the Judith Orloff of Psychology Today,”Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.” I find this comparison interesting and found myself wondering what is stronger? Love or Lust? Also are men more lustful than women? Is it easier to control love than lust?

Do men and women cheat on each other because they can’t help themselves? If lust is as strong as Judith Orloff claims in her article, ” Love vs Lust: Do You Know the Difference?” then it seems lust is more powerful. Love doesn’t always stop people from cheating on the ones they love . It just makes them feel bad afterwards.

The Red Thread of Destiny

There is an old Chinese legend that says, “There is an invisible red thread connecting those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance  The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break”. This is a very good description/concept of soul mates and the bond, the “thread” that holds them together. What I love about this quote is that it can be applied to your romantic or platonic relationships with people. Sometimes the people we meet in our lives are so random, but nevertheless significant. Maybe we are meant to meet them at a time in our lives when we need them for something. That something may not be monumental, but it can be something as simple as an affirmation of who we are and what we want in life. Even the most negative people or event can teach us a lesson about life and about ourselves if we care to look. Yes, I believe things happen for a reason. What that reason is depends on what stage you are in life. All these things change over time, nothing and no one remains the same… and that is the beauty or tragedy of life. Reminds me of Robert Frost’s poem:

Nature’s first green is gold, / Her hardest hue to hold. / Her early leaf’s a flower, / But only so an hour. / Then leaf subsides to leaf, / So Eden sank to grief. / So dawn goes down to day, / Nothing gold can stay.

Do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe that the people we meet are not so random?

How long would you wait for the right person? Your entire life?

Last night I watched the movie, “The Time Traveler’s Wife”. I had read the book several months ago, but just got around to watching the movie. As with any book that is made into a movie, there is always some part ir elements of the story that is left out. One element that is well translated is the love the main characters have for each other. The movie centers around their relationship and the effects his time traveling has on their relationship.  The main character would instantaneously disappear at odd hours  or time of the day. Sometimes, his disappearance (even though it is not voluntarily) upsets her because she needs him and he is not around. For many people, they can totally relate to this and they do not have to have a time traveler spouse… it could be because of a job especially those who has military wives or husband. These individuals have to fend for themselves quite often. This constant disapperance due to the responsibilty of a job… interrrupts the relationship and puts a strain on it.  Just like the main character, he tells her that he does not want her to wait for him but she says she that she has always been waiting for him and will continue to do so.  How many of us can actually wait for that perfect love, the kind where you feel totally content when you are with that person and no longer feel like you are still searching? How many of us, can say that the person we are with is “it” the “one” … our soul mate?  How many of us are settling for the next best thing because we think we will not find the “perfect love?”   How many of us if given the choice or chance to briefly be with someone that we feel intensely about , instead of being with someone that we feel content with for the rest of our lives?  I ask this question because of the quote from the movie: “Is it better to be extremely happy for a short time, even if you lose it, than to be just ok for your whole life?”
— Audrey Niffenegger (The Time Traveler’s Wife)

Why do men cheat?

I don’t often watch “girly” movies or movies about romantic relationships, but my cousin saw the movie, The Women and told me to watch it because it was inspirational.  I have to admit, it was a pretty good movie because it showed the power and strenght of a women.  It was inspirational because it showed that no matter what happens, if you have good friends you will be able to get through it.  One of my favorite part of the movie is when the mother of the main character tells her daughter that if you can survive a broken heart (when your spouse/partner cheats on you) then there is nothing you can’t survive.  Of course, that’s what I got out of it.

The movie touches on the issue of why men stray.  The movie centers on the idea that a man needs to feel needed by his woman or he will stray.  It also points out that just because a husband cheats on his wife doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her.  The movie seem to suggest that the wife is not meeting the husband’s emotional and physical need  so he turns to the other woman to fulfill it. I don’t know about other woman, but it is difficult for me to believe that the majority of the men who cheats is because he is craving emotional attention from his wife. Why do  I think this? I think it is easier for men to seperate emotions from sex.  Is it easier for a man to cheat on his woman because he sees sex as something more physical then emotional?

Do men cheat because…

1. They are bored sleeping with the same woman?

2. They don’t love their woman anymore?

3. They feel they have a right to because their partner doesn’t give them any attention?

4. They want to prove that they still are attractive to other women?

5. They know they can get away with it?

According to Livescience.com:

When it comes to infidelity, research shows that men are motivated primarily by the lure of sex, while women trek outside the marriage due to emotional neglect and the need for emotional intimacy.

Though more men than women cheat, infidelity is on the rise among both in recent decades.

The rest of the article is pretty interesting because it gives famous cases of cheating spouses such as the Clintons.